How do you handle NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
How do you handle NC
3
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:14pm
It's so hard to wait for them to contac you `how do you keep from checking email constantly through out the day `I really want to try to stop obsessing about that so much

any suggestions besides staying busy `that would help me to wait and not be so available? `thanks in advance
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:25pm

Why are you waiting to be contacted? You've ended your affair. It's time to focus on yourself and move on with your life.


Call your friends and start to mingle out in the open instead of figuring out what lie you need to tell to keep the secret affair safe.....


It's a great world out there filled with above board respectful people....


Just get going.


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:42pm
Ummm NC is NC, which means you have blocked his ability to contact you. Why wait for an email that can't arrive?

It sounds like you are using NC in hopes of manipulating him to come *running back* to you, is that the case?

If it is, then you are not commited to ending the A, just keeping it going on that rollercoaster ride to he**.

I have fond memories of that kind of NC. My OM and I did that many many times during the extent of our A. Being that hindsight is 20/20 I realized that we were both using that as a tool to control the other.

Just my thoughts.

*hugs*

Someday

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 7:04pm

Hi Hannah,


Yes it IS hard when you expect to hear from them, isn't it? I work with my xOM, so I could get a work email from him at any time. Unfortunately I still check it a LOT, half-expecting to hear from him. Not that I will respond unless it's work-related and strictly professional, but the hope is still there because the pain is fresh. So I totally understand that feeling.


THAT SAID, you need to resign to no contact and COMMIT to ending the affair. It truly is the only way. I wish I had never broken NC in the first place, but I did and I'm now having to go through the steps again. I took him off all my buddy lists and changed my IM name. ALthough we will have to have professional contact, and unfortunately that does leave the work email door open so I will not have total peace, I have made the decision to end ALL personal contact. Anything that my boss could not hear or read will not be tolerated.


You really must make the decision to end things and FINALIZE THAT! Delete old emails, block his address, phone number, etc. It sounds drastic, and I, too, thought that I could get away with not doing those things. I was wrong. You will feel much more peace knowing that YOU took the steps to end things. That he couldn't get a hold of you if he tried, that will end the waiting games which cause so much pain.


It sounds very harsh, but after reading the boards I believe it works. I'm still in the process, too, so please let me know if I can help.


Best of luck!

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby