How do you know - love or addiction?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
How do you know - love or addiction?!
2
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 8:02am
I've been NC for only 1 day now, and it's driving me crazy. I made the decision so I could give my marriage a real try. But, I really felt like I was in love with the OM, and he wants to marry me. All of the books, therapists, etc. say that I am just going through withdraw, and it was not love, but an addiction. Honestly, what's the difference? Don't they both create the same kinds of emotions? How can you tell one from the other? How do you know if what you had was real?

It certainly felt real for us, and being apart is killing me. How do I know if I'm giving up my chance for true happiness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 8:11am
Personally, I don't know the pyschological differences between the two. But in my opinion, it would be addiction if you are only there because of the way it makes you feel. If you fall in love with someone for the person that they are, and the connection you feel, how can that not be real love? When I think about my exMM, I know that it was the person that he is that I fell for. He had so many personality traits that I was looking for in a person, everything I could ever want (minus the wife, of course). I fell in love with the person he is, not the feeling he gave me.

Hang in there ist123 and as every one tells me, "only time will tell" as hard as it is to wait...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 12:13pm
I have researched a lot on this subject. I found an interesting article that actually defined in very well. They talk about toxic love versus real love, which is just a variation of the addiction/love theme. Here is the link.

http://www.geocities.com/nojoha/tlove.html