how do you know when to end it
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how do you know when to end it
| Wed, 12-22-2004 - 11:06pm |
Hi all,
I am in the process of trying to decide once and for all if I should end things with my MM. I have been seeing him for a year and half now, and I just don't know if it is going anywhere or not. I am getting tired of being second in his life. Tired of the roller coaster ride. Tired of everything. But I still love him and don't want to give up the dream of being with him someday. How did any of you come to terms with ending things? How did you know it was time?
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciate. Thank you.
I am in the process of trying to decide once and for all if I should end things with my MM. I have been seeing him for a year and half now, and I just don't know if it is going anywhere or not. I am getting tired of being second in his life. Tired of the roller coaster ride. Tired of everything. But I still love him and don't want to give up the dream of being with him someday. How did any of you come to terms with ending things? How did you know it was time?
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciate. Thank you.

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I am certainly no expert here...but I think you know it's time when you're asking yourself that question. I can tell you firsthand, there IS no future with an MM. I think you need to step away from the A and let him decide where he wants to be. You have time to do it NOW...and be in control of how this turns out. Unfortunately...I did not do this and am living with major lost self esteem and despair because HE ended it. There's still time for you to keep your dignity and end it.
You can still love him....but if you end it- I think that you have more control over your emotions and your recovery from the damage the A has caused. And if there's a future for you and MM...it will happen when he decides to get divorced- he doesn't really have to make any decisions when he can stay married and still get "what's missing" from you. It IS a roller coaster ride...would you rather decide when to get off...or would you rather be thrown off?
Good luck...Crissy
First, welcome. You'll find this to be a place where you'll get both hugs and a kick in the butt when you need it.
If you're here, I'll venture to say that you know in your heart that it's time. He's married and not free to be with you. You will never be more than second...or third or fourth or tenth in this man's life. If you stay, you will continue to feel pain. If it hurts, it isn't good! Even if there are feelings of love and moments of euphoria, those are temporary. If you want a lasting, loving relationship, then you owe it to yourself to be in a position to be open to it. Say goodbye and start restoring your dignity. God knows, I wish I had never had an A. And after I did, I wish I had ended it when I first started thinking that perhaps I should give him his walking papers. It would have saved me the additional agony of making a fool out of myself and feeling as though my pride and dignity were destroyed.
Especially if you're single, what are you waiting for? For the pain to become unbearable? Trust me, it will if you don't get while the gettin's good.
Just my 2 cents.
Newsgal
I ask myself every day..."why?" I was thrown off too...I'm used to my relationships being long over by the time there's a break-up. Who can imagine getting off such a great ride? (absolutely no pun intended...the emotional aspect was far more important to me than the sex- although that was great too.) I'm still thrown that this man that told me that he couldn't live without me....can.
We'll get through this.(maybe not over it...but through it)
I do know in my heart it's time, I am just afraid to give up the dream. I know that it is going nowhere the way it stands now. I think he is content just sitting on the fence because he is so torn in what to do. I think I need to let him go and make his decision on his own without me in the picture.
I have been in much pain over the past year and half. Alot in the past 6 months. I can't bear the thought of losing him yet I can't bear the thought of going on the way we have been another day.
I need someone to be with me full time, not part time. I don't want a part time relationship.
I want to open myself up to find happiness, either with him or with someone else. Preferably with him, free, not in an A. I am not happy in this A.
I want him to myself.
I am single, and the pain some days in most unbearable.
I pray I find the strength to let him go. And that he comes back to me free.
Thanks for your words. I appreciate it.
You are also right. There is no future with a MM. I want a future with him. I think I do need to let him go and decide what is best for him. If he loves me as much as he says he does, then he will come back to me, if that is what he truly wants. I can't fathom the thought of not havign him in my life, but I guess which is worse? Having in my life the way he is now, tiny bits and pieces of his time around the time he spends with his W and kids??? Or giving him the opportunity to make this right and come to me fully and completely when he is free??
I'll take him when he is free. I just need the courage to do it.
YOu are right, I am making his M tolerable by still being in his life. I no longer want to do that.
Thank you so much.
Jazzdiva
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