How do you know when you've reached that

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
How do you know when you've reached that
5
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:33pm
How do you know when you've reached that point of no longer accepting the situation for what it really is? And once you've reached that point what does it take before you've finally had enough to be able to walk away and walk away for good, without having any expectations from you walking away?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:47pm
For us, we got on a downward spiral that finally became so ugly that both of us felt that we couldn't recover. I honestly wish I'd found a way out before our last fight...we said some things that both of us regret with all of our hearts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:47pm
it's been 9 months for me now since the official end of A--though, it nearly started again this fall--the flirting and confiding continued, as they say. But i am still not there--and only feel i am starting to get close.

For me, it has been about truly wanting to have it be over--not just going away and hoping that by doing so xmm will come back. I have started getting to this point with little to no contact, daily prayer and immersing myself in other things i love.

you have to really WANT it to be over. getting to that point of really wanting it so, has been a long and hard process--that i just truly think takes time. For me, i have had to fully analyze why this happened; what was the need for me; for him; what did this say about my marriage.

Clarice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 4:50pm
I had something of an epiphany. I kept promising OMM I was going to leave my marriage and move on in life with him and I really meant that. I kept thinking that one day I was going to wake up and KNOW that I was doing the right thing. That day never came. In the meantime, H and I were both in therapy (separately, working on our own issues) and we somehow just started to get along better. We started wanting to spend time together running or out having coffee. One night in February he got a promotion and I suggested that we go out for dinner and celebrate. It was like a date. He even kissed me goodnite, at first tenatively, then an all out passionate kiss and it felt right. I realized that I had such unsettled feelings about my marriage that I had no business telling anyone I could make a decision to end it and feel that I was doing the right thing. Once I realized that I couldn't end my marriage, I knew I HAD to end the A. It wasn't fair to OMM, who was moving right along looking for an apartment for us to live in and filing divorce papers. I never meant to screw with his head (although that's what he accused me of at the end). I just never really felt in my heart that my marriage was over. I don't know whether this helps any, and I will tell you that even with all the certainty I have that my marriage isn't over there are still times when I want to contact OMM. I don't contact him, because it wouldn't be fair. I can't give him what he really wants from me. I couldn't live with just "stringing him along" since I now know that he really wants more and I really don't. JMHO. Good luck making these big and difficult decisions!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 7:09pm
I was in the same situation. I ask OM to wait until i would leave H. I could not. I would break it off with this OM and he would just not let go. I did have really strong feelings for him but in reallity I did'nt want to end my marriage.The A lasted for 2 years and my marriage was horrible because H felt the betrayal , we were tense all the time.We got in this really big fight H left the house for a few days . I was releaved to be alone but my oldest would ask when is his father coming home to stay. My kids where playing a soccer game and H showed up . When I saw him I broke into tears because I felt all these emotions for him. I do love my husband and I don't want to hurt him any more . I have'nt had contact for about 7 days but the A ended with OM telling me he found someone else just like I told him too.I did tell him to do this.I just did'nt realize how pain full it could be. I get depressed cried and when I see him my heart jumps . But I can't see us together anymore.I'm trying to move on with my H and K

Y

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 5:36pm
I guess it greatly depends on each individuals circumstances. I am a divorce Mom and am at the point where I need to see progress in our relationship, which hasn't happened even though he assures me that it is but a slow process. I strongly feel that it just might take for me to walk away before he gets the message that this isn't something that I can tolerate for to much longer. Lately I haven't mentioned it to him at all as it seemed like every time I would bring it up before he would tend to pull further away as if to somehow protect himself from getting hurt if I did decide to walk, which would take us weeks to get back to where we should be.