how do you say bye and mean it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
how do you say bye and mean it?
6
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 9:27pm
I have been married for 14yrs.I have an AP for 6yrs. My AP has been married for 5yrs.In the beginning it was soooo much fun and we both were 100% into it.As time went on the feelings came and everything changed. I'm the one calling just to hear his voice,texting him to just no he is there.doing everything to want to believe he wants to still be in my life.I say I love u but he stopped saying it and says you no my feelings, they have never changed.I can tell he is distant and not really into the
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:27pm

Welcome Daisy! :)


If you are an investor, would you still put your money where you know that you will no longer have

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 1:45am
I know this going to sound incredibly simplistic, but it really is true. You will say goodbye and mean it when you truly make the decision to do it. The reason you haven't stuck to your guns up till now is because though you thought you had made the decision, you really hadn't. You only kinda did. So.....sit down, think long and think hard about all of the reasons why it's time to end this thing. It's a dead-end relationship. It might have been fun and titillating at one time, but it's gone beyond that now. He's obviously not really into it anymore. Say your goodbyes in your mind, and then pick yourself up, dust yourself off and take action. Make the decision once and for all. Once you do that, the actual doing of it won't be nearly as hard as it has been in the past, and you won't look back. Just keep repeating to yourself...dead-end, dead-end, dead-end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2009
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 9:37am

Welcome, Daisy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 11:58am

Hi Daisy-


Welcome to EAS. I could have written CSN's post word for word. I too tried to end my A more times than I can count and I always went back. Each time, when I ended it, I knew in my heart that I wasn't ready to let him go. As xap started to pull away near the end, I started to go crazy. I felt pathetic and weak and obsessed. And I realized one day that my heart was fully invested and that I was going to get hurt very badly. And when I finally had enough of the hurt, vulnerability, etc, when I hit rock bottom, when I knew that if I continued I would lose everything, I ended it and I really meant it. That was 106 days ago and it was the best thing I ever did for ME. It was easy for me to walk away when I recognized that I was free from the cycle of pain, I was free from his reign over me... I was free to be me and be happy.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2006
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 4:19pm
Thank you all for the support!! I understand that what i need to do is just pick my head(and heart)up, move forward and don't turn around.Cause i know if i turn around I i'll come back.I no this A
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 05-14-2010 - 8:59pm

Dear Daisygal,

Welcome - sorry this post comes late.

I just wanted to say that you have much to feel good about, even though there is so much pain. This is better. This is pain with a purpose - and the purpose is to heal you. I have lost a lot because of my A - tangible and intangible. I grieved the loss of my A like a death. I crawled into bed for days. I got up just to get the kids off and then back into bed I went. I cried, I screamed, I posted here. And you know what? I lived through it. It continues to be the hardest fight of my life - but it is a fight for my life. He would have continued to consume me until there was nothing left if I had stuck around.

I wish you courage for the days & weeks to come.

You can do this.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou