How do you stay mad??
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| Sun, 01-16-2005 - 9:31pm |
MM essentially ended things a fight after 2+ years, 11 days ago. We spoke on Fri. He called today we talked and agreed that it was better end things. I agreed, even though it hurt. This couldn't go on forever. MM was tough but sure I knew he cared and he wouldn't forget what we shared. I was very sad when we got off and sent him an email sort of restating what we said etc. Well, he sent me back an email saying I was too dependent on him and in his mind the only way for me to break that was for us not to talk for a while. He may have been right but I was so blown away b/c he has always maintained he wanted to stay friends. So I sent him an email that I was so hurt he could shut me out like that. He sent back another email saying that I am too dependent and again the only way was to get over it is to not talk..no emails, no calls, no text. We text messaged a few more things, him saying it wasn't forever just needed time and he was doing this FOR ME!! How nice of him huh??
I know some of you will say he handled it right. But I don't feel that way! He turned his back on me !! I am not even sure I needed him.. but I wanted to know he'd be there if I needed him. But better to say you have deal on you own!! Too bad we shared everything for 2 years. Now you are on your own.. too overbearing was what he said!
Ok..so being mad is way better than being sad!! How do I stay mad?? If I start to think he was right in anyway I may feel bad and email him some stupid "i understand where you are coning from" crap! then I, willl be sad and miss him! Yuck! Don't ever want to talk! Want him to disappear!!.. But I still check my email like a nut and will wait for my cell to ring when it NEVER will!! AHHHHH!!!
Being mad is easier!!!

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Mad????
He led you on with no intentions of being with you.
Every time he spent "special time" with you, he washed himself off and went home to his WIFE, the woman he MARRIED and COMMITTED his life to.
He used you.
He wasted your time.
He blew you off.
He lied to you by portraying himself as something that he wasn't.... in love with you.
He was, and IS, a waste of space, both on this earth and in your heart. Get rid of him. From your mind.
Delete his number.
Delete his emails.
Delete any pictures you have of him.
Block his number.
Block his emails.
Block the pictures of him in your mind.
He has wasted enough of your life. Don't you DARE let him take up another second.
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t
Cap, you can't stay angry. Human beings don't work that way when a relationship ends, and it wasn't what they wanted. You'll be angry and you'll be hurt and you'll cry and you'll be embarrassed that you did this to yourself and you'll pray to God to bring him back, and for a while your emotions are going to be all over the place -- and that's all right. It'll end in time.
BTW, this man is VERY CONTROLLING. And he is humiliating on top of that. I don't care WHAT you shared over the past two years -- KICK HIM TO THE CURB. Hold your head up, keep your dignity, and the next time he calls, don't answer your phone. It's over! Congratulations! You're on your way to a whole, new, better life!
Sunshine -- you write GREAT posts -- with GREAT ideas! I LOVED it!
Sunshine
I appreciate what you said but lots of it isnt true. He never led me on. WE never planned on being toegther. Never planned on leavign our spouses. Never said he was in love and we never had IC. I do agree he portrayed hinslef as somethign else.
He is as arrogant jerk!
Thanks..need to mad!
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This is the long term goal I am concentrating on! I agree he is controllign but not sure abou the humiliating part! I feel liek he sees this as everythign, his way or no way!
I didi the sad realy hard for the last 2 weeks. Today was the kick in the stomach..set me back but hoping to recover!
He wont ever call me.. or at least I dont think he will. I pray I will have the strength to NOT call him!
It IS over! I will be free on day right and this gets better????
If you weren't emotionally involed, he didn't love you nor you him, why do you care???
This is like losing a gardener. Sure he did good work and made things in your yard a little brighter, but he's a gardener for God's sake.
I still stick by the entire last part of my post, Cap. If you call, write or text this man again, you might as well lay down and let him drive right over you.
Good luck staying mad!!!
"When I meet a man, I ask myself 'Is t
didnt say we werent emotionally involved. Not in a long shot is that true. We were very involved. Dated prior to meetign our spouses! Friends for 5 years before we got involved. Never said "i love you" but felt very deeply for each other. Just werent planning long terms plans. This had to end sometime. I know that. I knew this woudlnt be easy. Had hoped it woudlnt end like this but endings suck!
I just have a hard time saying he was always the jerk and I was always the victim. That wasnt the case. Up until even this weekend I still respected him and wished him well. Even though I knew we were ending. I thought we could walk awya not hatign each other. It is how he treated me today..all for MY benefit of course, that pissed me off!
But endings suck and so does he.. in my mind i hope it sticks this way!! I dont want to spend any more time feeling sad over sonething lost!
thanks
Hiya Bria,
You only need to be mad at him for as long as it takes to fully understand that this is entirely of your own making. It's easier being p1ssed at someone else than to start examining where we engineered our own downfalls.
Your happiness-carrier has collapsed. You've used him up, tapped him out and sucked him dry. Effectively, he has two wives, both desperate for his attention, and where's the fun in that?
Lean on your T, Bria, and on us. We're here.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
Posie
I am not sure I can agree that i sucked him dry..what about the fact he sucked me dr/?? He took all of the affection I was giving! I wasn't a complete nag.. yes i at times probably had much higher expectations than I should have and was overbearing. I will even give him thatI am too dependent on him but he is NOT blameless! I will not carry the burden of this A on my shoulders alone. He was just as wrong.
being mad is just easier but just as soon as I am writign this I know I will be sad.. it is just part of it!
Hiya Bria,
I'm actually sitting here with a huge grin on my face, Bria.
Soooo, if I'm understanding you correctly then what you're saying is that you are equally responsible for the affair. That's big. That's several steps ahead of most people who arrive here at EAA. You've hit the ground running, Bria, love.
Ok, let's take this a little bit further. What part of the affair can you actually *do* anything about? His bit or your bit?
There's no magic formula, the steps are not written in a stone somewhere. You don't have to be angry, Bria. You don't have to be bitter. You don't have to sit around for years pining. And you can be happy right now, this moment if you want to be and it would still be the right way of ending it for YOU.
A relationship which cannot grow must either stay the same or die. Some just come to the end of their affair, say thanks for the good times & memories and simply wave buh-bye.
You are in counselling and if you work on it you'll come up with any number of coping strategies than will replace the function exMM once served in your life. And you'll be stronger and better able to love and be loved for who you really are. And DD will learn from her Mommie how to be self-reliant and how to be happy *alongside* someone as opposed to happy *because* of someone.
I'm excited for you, Bria. And I'm proud of you. You're gonna make it and you'll even come to love yourself as much as others love you once you come to learn just how loveable you really are.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
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