How do you stop the part thats urging u?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
How do you stop the part thats urging u?
6
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 7:52pm
It is almost 2am here, I just watched a movie with my H and the whole time I was thinking, I wonder if he emailed me? But here I am testing myself, I dont want to even let myself check the inbox because 1. Im sure he didnt 2. It proves to myself that I am so weak I cant go a few hours without checking.

In the meantime while Im thinking about him, he is probably having dinner with another girl, getting all these emails from "ex gfs" and "friends" because he always has friendly breakups...if I gve him a piece of my mind it would not be too friendly...but I know that would just look bad on my part, why do I seek his validation? All I seemed to do was praise him and then mostly I remember from him the neg. things he told me...why would that make me keep coming back...Well Im going to bed, and I know I will check the mail in the morning, most likely nothing will be there, but just resisting my urge now, I hope will somehow make me stronger...Has anyone done this same obsessive checking after you decided it was over, how do you stop?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 8:05pm
Kat

Just about everyone goes through it so your normal.

You really need to block his e-mails remove him from your address book and delete any samed e-mails you have from him or have sent to him, close the door to opportunity to slip up.

The longer you refuse to lower yourself and have "anything" to do with this guy the stronger you will get.

Good luck

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:45am
Hi Kleinekat!

I think we are on nearly the same time zone :)!

I just posted some questions for you in my Urges and Revelations message.

I have a hard time not checking. I actually DO check frequently! But everytime there is nothing I know I am not on his mind. He's probably online looking at porn or e-mailing the next unsuspecting english speaking woman (seems to be his targets!).

Hang in there - and I will too!

That wine helps me sleep at night and not toss and turn thinking about him - but it also lowers my drive to keep my actions sane!

-lazy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 6:34am
Oh God lazyone,

we only went monday and tuesday w/o any contact, then this morning i check my email its says only, "I miss you already:(" I want to write back so bad because I miss him so much too AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! What do I do?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 9:40am
Well i caved in and wrote something back...i said basically, I do too, I wish we could be friends because I have so much fun with you and you really make me laugh, your such a unique person and so full of life...thats all I wrote, Im going to force myself to go to ballet class tonight, even though I really dont want to, at least maybe it will help me keep my mind off him, he probably has a date with that girl anyways, making her dinner or something...I have a husband so I cant expect him to just wait around...Man I went two days, two measley little days!! Hmmmm I really hate marriage, if I was single or just had a bf, I would just end it and date this guy instead, but there are all these ties now holding me down...I wish I would have met the OM first dated him for a while then eventually married my husband, but now it seems my life is taking a backwards course...good luck to everyone today, hope you are stronger than me.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:42am
Don't be SOOO hard on yourself Kleinekat! At least you come here and are trying. It is a start! I know what you mean about dating OM first THEN marrying your husband. Me too sometimes! But I don't know if I would have dated OM or put up with his attitude and way of looking at women!

I am not even attempting "no contact" because I have to see him and I want to avoid a big drama. I am just pulling way back emotionally. I'm working on being friendly rather than being friends. That is my goal anyway.

BUT...I am new to this too and I don't want to tell myself it is ALL or NOTHING - otherwise I am afraid I will jump back into the ALL. I am just taking it one day at a time and trying to keep my distance.

I would have had a hard time if my xOM e-mailed saying he missed me! He hasn't though (which is good but also insults me too!)

Hang in there!

-lazy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 11:00am
Thanks lazyone! I guess all or nothing is really setting myself up for a relapse, Im going to do that too, well ive already started pulling back emotionally,but i will be friendly, not "friends" or "lovers" even though I want him so much...
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