How do you stop the sop?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
How do you stop the sop?
10
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 3:21am

Hi all

Just a quicky for you....how do you stop yourself going occasionally soppy and doe-eyed?

I had coffee today at a cafe at the exAP and I used to go to. No dramas- Im feeling strong today- but WHAM it hits me! Im sitting there and I could almost SEE us on our first date, sitting there smiling and feeling the buzz of attraction.

I spent the rest of the day countering that image with reality- the lies we told to be all that flirty and buzzy, the quick fall from 'smiley' to frustration and pain, the endless times we had coffee where there were strong sad feelings lurking under the surface.

So I think I did well- but honestly the feeling overwhemed me.I havent seen him or heard from him in months now and Im feeling better every week- so why get all soppy out of the blue? How annoying and frustrating!!!

How do you do it?

Iggy

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 6:53am

Iggy,

You just let time and introspective do it's thing. You know how wrong and damaging it was, so you just don't let yourself romanticize it. Triggers exist all around us. I think it's important to acknowledge how you feel, how you felt and what the A was really all about. Nothing to get soppy or doe-eyed about. It was what it was and you move

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 9:42am

Sounds like you did a great job of battling the sop.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 10:23am

Hi Iggy,

Having JUST gone through a SOPPY evening myself...

I learned from it - to let myself have the cry. Get it out. Dont analyze or "judge" it as MY temptation is to do. ie: I "shouldnt" be feeling this..."this is retarded" etc.

BECAUSE...

after the cry...the next day...I felt AMAZING!

The good cry burnt off alot of the feelings I had left. Im sure it'll come again, only this time I wont be afraid of it, judge it, and push it away.

:)

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 11:01am

Iggy-

You did great. You did exactly what you should have done. Well done. Pat yourself on the back.

Those moments are going to come. They just happen, especially when you find yourself smack dab in the middle of trigger heaven. Boy oh boy have I been there- as I am sure all of us have. Just a few weeks ago, I went to a business appointment and found myself in the lobby of a building where xap and I worked together on a photo shoot. I was immediately bombarded with the ghosts of that session- it was like I was standing in the middle of it.

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 8:31pm
Hi all
Thankyou for your great advice as always. Yes I am frustrated. Sure I had early setbacks but I have been so good lately. Good in that I have maintained NC bnut also good in my growth and reading. Having a little whoosh of emotion in a meeting was the last thing I expected even if it was meeting over coffee.
Also I just want this to be finished. I actually don't miss him at all- upwards the end he was bringing nothing positive into my life! So what's with the part of my brain that still thinks about him. What's with that!!!
Ugh a very frustrated Iggyx
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 10:32pm
Something that works for me is a re-framing technique. When I have a thought about xAP, I have learned to understand that thought of "him" to be really symbolic of something else: hurt, frustration, boredom, loneliness etc ... so it is not about him at all, but it is "through" the mental image/memory of him that i can better understand my present state of mind. Too much time on my hands, craving an escape, whatever ... but usually there is something going on deep inside me unrelated to "him" that has me all turned around.

Amazing growth Iggy (:

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Tue, 02-01-2011 - 10:39pm

Hi Iggy,

Most of the time when I see your posts you’ve already gotten such great support and advice that I don’t have anything to add. I know go figure, E1 has no words!

But now I feel like it’s been too long since I posted in a reply to you. So I want to say………..hello and………I think you are doing great in your recovery!

Love and hugs,

E1

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 1:17am

Thanks E1 - I appreciate hearing from you :)

Yes I agree that

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 8:07am
Iggy, I think we all understand that feeling completely. I've also learned that its not him I miss at all--just the little rush of excitement, which tells me I'm in need of something...or not. Sometimes I think its just still part of the detox and I just let it wash over. Doesn't usually take more than 3 seconds these days. :)
Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Wed, 02-02-2011 - 10:03am

Count me in : I really don't miss HIM.