How do you walk away

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
How do you walk away
9
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 4:10pm

Ok Im going to try to make this short, Ive been married for almost 12 years , we have 3 Kids, we have been having problems for about at little over a year. OM is and ex boyfriend. He has 3 kids and is single. We started A about 7 months ago. We have had many ups and down in that time but I love him .

2 weeks ago I ended relationship with OM after I told my H that if he was really unhappy he should leave ( he didn't) After about 2weeks of NC he sent me a e-mail just to say hi and that he missed me. I didn't reply. This past friday I send him a text just to see how he was doing ( he was having alot of baby mama drama before we ended) he said he was ok but that he would like to see me " just to catch up"

I agreed and one thing lead to another and we ended up having IC. It was wonderful and i realized how much I miss and love this man but then listening to him talk about all the stuff he is dealing with I decide that it would be better if we just stay away from each other he agreed but he was hurt.

To make a long story short the next day he text me. I texted him back. We are going to try to make it work again.

So my question is how do you REALLY walk away . I love this man but I think out relationship is only hurting him . I want to do whats right but I feel lost with out him .

Please help I don't want to loose him but I feel like I am being selfish ( I know I am or I wouldn't be in this A ) I just need some advise

Thanks for letting me babble

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 6:07pm

Ash,

I have no answer for you but I am hoping you get one. I wish I knew how to walk away, but my heart is in way over my head . I have tried several times to walk away I have even suggested a break, but he tells me it isnt what he wants....I will be watching I hope you get your answer....

Good Luck

Imagine

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 6:46pm

Ash

TOTAL NO CONTACT that is the only proven way.

This my ANNOY or Offend But, this guy is a bit on the manipulative side isn't he, with his just checking up stuff, that was B/S he contacted you with the intent of having sex with you, what ever you do be honest with yourself about his motivations and your own.

JMHO

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 7:10pm

ash,

he wants sex, thats it, i hope u get angry

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Mon, 03-14-2005 - 8:20pm
if you really want to end it NC is the only way it is going to work...trust me..been there done that..it has been almost 10 months..and frankly my dear...i don't give a damn...about him...anymore..nothing..it is possible...but only if you really want it..you will have the strength
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:04am
Actually our relationship has never been about sex . Infact in the 7 months weve been together weve on had IC 4 times . I think what he is looking for is a friend but im not sure I can be "just a friend"
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:09am
He may have limited interest in sex but he manipulated things to cause it to happen this time for the purpose of retaining or regaining his hold on you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:21am
I guess thats the real problem . I know I should end it but do I really want to, I don't know.There are so many things about my relationship with him thats wonderful and walking away from that is just so hard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2005
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 8:42pm
If you really believe your relationship is hurting and him and you really love him then you should do what is best for him...when i was having my A..i came home after a great weekend and told my H..so he would leave..he instead told me he would fight for me and somehow i ended up with my head out of my ass...in my situation i really would have NEVER been better off with OM...BUT...i did happen to have a thought once..my best friend who was in a situation almost identical to mine agreed with me...if a woman has not left her husband for OM after about 6 months then what is the reality of her going?? if you really want to be with him you will have to get the guts..trust me...i felt so much better when after 2 and a half years of constantly worrying about what i should do and who i should be with..i finally decided and stuck to my guns..a weight was lifted off my shoulders..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 12:28am

How do you really walk away, you ask?


With both feet.


Be honest with xMM and tell him that although the sex is great you're staying in your marriage and you're not interested in maintaining any further relationship of any sort with him because YOU are married, not single, therefore UNAVAILABLE.


End it with "have a nice life". No one last time horizontal mambo. Just a good-bye. As you've already begun to realize, there is a lot more to life than just good sex.....


Good luck.


cl-nre