How to end fling
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| Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:56am |
I had posted on My Affair board, but I want it to end so here's my story. Been married (generally happy) for 2 years. As a couple we get along, have fun doing common activities, rarely fight. Even before I got married I knew that there was a certain emotional connection that he and I were missing. I accepted that fact consciously and was reassured that I will "always have friends" for emotional connections. I want to stay with this man and my recent behavior confuses me.
A month ago I befriended someone with whom there was an automatic "click" on the emotional level. We could talk for hours about topics we have never discussed with anyone else. He has a calming effect on my typically anxious demeanor. He gets me and I am so curious to learn more about him.
Edited 4/14/2005 2:17 pm ET ET by spanishtrain

Well, I can't speak from experience, but these are my observations from others posting on this board.
1. Be clear in your mind WHY you want to end it. Maybe spend more time reading the ending board, or the betrayed spouse board, or even the all sides board (in Redbook in ivillage). Perhaps these will give you stronger convictions of why you should stop now.
2. Communicate this in a calm, rational, no-nonense way to your OP. Be caring, but very, very firm. If you don't believe you will have the strength to resist if he objects, communicate in a safer way (letter, email, even vm, if you have to). But be caring and sensitive, but make it clear that you care much more about your husband and marriage.
3. Establish no contact, and stick to it. Under no circumstance should you contact him or let him contact you.
Good luck,
1T
Hi Spanish train,
Please Please Please do not let this go any farther.
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This sounds so much how my A started. I had not felt the connection to anyone like i did to him at that time. And the fact that it was such a secretive thing (we worked in the same small office) was also such a thrill.
I remember the day that I chose to take our little fling to the sexual level. I kept thinking in my head "do i really want to do this?" "what am i doing" but i was so compelled by my feelings at the moment. That connection seemed so strong.
I wish i had found this board a year and a half ago. I would have known better than to put myself in the situation to be alone with another man. I would have had an idea of what might happen if i replied to his emails. I would have been able to distinguish between sex and love and that self esteem doesn;t come to you via other people.
I have lost soooo much in the past year and a half. I lost that much time with my son. ( i used every excuse i could find to get out of the house whenever my OM wanted me to come to him) I have put my marriage in complete jeopardy. (lucky for me my H still does not know of my indiscretion) I lost my reputation in my line of work. (my AP was bragging to his buddies about me, and after we both quit it came out to everyone)I spent every minute of the day thinking about him, shaving my legs for him, buying new underwear for him, starving myself for him. And where is he? Who the Fu*k knows? He got some pus*y and he's out the door. His life hasn't changed in one bit. Actually i think he is doing better than he was before, go figure!!
I just wish someone, anyone could have told me how much pain i would feel in the end.
I really don't know if i would have listened to their advice but maybe you will and end it before it goes too far and you are picking the sad pitiful shreds of yourself off the floor as i am trying to do right now.
good luck to you and your choices! May they lead you in the right direction!
~nuttmeg
mom star201,
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she is hurting her H by being emotional with another man. My H would be hurt to know i shared intimate details of my life and about him with my AP.
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Not true, emotional affairs are still affairs. Plus I would be upset if my H was getting masturbated by another woman.
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Now this is true.Although I think you meant this in the sexual context and She ultimately needs to take a step back and see what can be done to help marriage at this point. Why do you want to be intimate w/ another man when you are married?
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Yes, true to that. But why go through the pain,agony and heartbreak so much are feeling at this point if you don't have too?