How to get over being so insignificant..
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How to get over being so insignificant..
| Sun, 04-25-2010 - 4:35pm |
Hi Everyone,
I've been lurking but I didn't want to post again (its been awhile)
| Sun, 04-25-2010 - 4:35pm |
Hi Everyone,
I've been lurking but I didn't want to post again (its been awhile)
Welcome back, Izzy. I really have no advice for you on how to get over feeling insignificant, because I have been struggling with this myself. Some of the things you posted sound all too familiar to me, especially this:
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The only thing that has helped me get through this is to continue to tell myself that he said all those things because he knew they were what I wanted to hear. He could keep me coming back if I knew how happy I made him, how he loved me more than any other woman, how I was the only thing he ever thought about. What a bunch of horse shiz!!! (Dee's word, I love it, it cracks me up!) I felt taken advantage of, duped, and that I was the lowest of the low. I still have feelings of foolishness over it all.
It doesn't sound like things are very good with your H right now. I think the best thing you can do is first of all NC with your XAP, or since you work with him, then LC at work only. Stay away from him. Do not communicate with him about anything but work-related issues. This other communication is only prolonging your heartache. You need to work on your own healing. Think about the good things in your life. Don't waste any more energy on JAM. You're better than that!
I try to focus on how much better my life is without my A. No more lying. No more sneaking around. I have so much more time to do things for ME!
Keep reading and posting. I want to know how you're doing. And stay away from xMM!!!! I'll be thinking about you.
((hugs))
CSN
(((Izzy)))
I remember you, honey, because our stories were so similar. I also work with my Xmm , and
~Iddy~
Izzy,
I applaud you for attempting to end your affair. For being in such a long time affair and working with both of them... you amaze me! hehe I will offer more support in a bit but I wanted to comment on Iddy's post.
Iddy wrote: "I'm going to have to call you on this one. Xap's W has every right to be jealous, especially after what the two of you have been doing behind her back for so many years. You may hate it, but how do you think she would feel if she knew the truth? You could very easily have destroyed this woman's life, so work on that "hate" thing, ok?"
You know...we talk about "we could" hurt their spouses by telling them the truth. BUT do you really think by keeping this a secret, we haven't already hurt them? Just because the spouse doesn't know does not mean it hurts less. I mean...we're not better because we're keeping it from these poor women.
I guess what I am saying is we are awful whether we tell or not; it does not excuse our behavior. Just because we didn't tell the betrayed spouse doesn't mean we're better because we sacrificed anything to not ruin her life. Her life is ALREADY ruined, just not knowing doesn't mean its not ruined.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No New Hurts
Silence is Golden; Silence is Dignified; Silence speaks volumes.
Remember: Out of sight, out of mind.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
Hi Izzy,
Welcome back to EAS. Congrats on ending your A!!!
Imma gonna jump right in to your post as I don’t have a lot of time for posting tonight.
To answer one of your questions: I believe this:
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Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
Hey Izzy,
Sorry, it didn't even dawn on me that we used to write off the board. One day you just stopped. Was that when the February incident occurred? Anyway, I am glad to hear that you are back on the wagon again, and also glad that you are posting again. I hope you stay with us this time, no matter what is going on. The new gals on here are fabulous, so keep reading and learning. I truly want to see you reach the 6th month mark this time. ;-)
(((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
Hi Izzy- My heart goes out to you. I had to maintain LC with xap until last week because I worked with him. He wasn't in the same office as me, but it was still tough, so I can only imagine the heartache you are enduring by working with him and his W on a daily basis. I will echo what Iddy said... you have got to separate. It sounds like you talk to him way too much. You need to stick strictly to the rules of LC. Nothing personal.... nothing. And when he tells you personal things or how much he loves you, blah blah blah, you have to tell him that it's inappropriate and it has to stop. You have a big battle to fight now, honey, and we are all here for you. You already know there will be ups and downs, but if you are able to separate a bit more, it will get easier day by day. The fog will lift even more and you will begin to see the truth about him and yourself. Hold on Izzy, it's gonna get rough, but what's waiting for you on the other side is worth it.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Hello CSN, IDDY, Empowerment,