How have you moved on?
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How have you moved on?
| Sat, 08-14-2004 - 11:23pm |
So many posters on here have come and gone. Over time a few of you return to tell your success stories regarding life after an affair. Many of you continue to post even though you are still on the mend or stuggling with final closure. All of your stories give the rest of us hope and courage to continue moving forward with our lives. I'm a firm believe that everything happens for a reason, but how we handle the experience is how we'll benefit or suffer from it. Anyone agree with this? What is it that you have learned from your A and how have you moved on?
Wishing you peace and happiness,
Id
Edited 8/15/2004 7:52 am ET ET by id_diosyncrity

I am at the point that I KNOW if MM contacted me I'd tell him NO WAY. I deserve better. I know this and he KNOWS I know this (and I'm glad).
Id, I suppose you are saying the same thing as I am regarding how we handle the experience; the key to handling it is making a FIRM decision to end it for your own GOOD...for your own dignity. This is how you keep from suffering and completely benefit!
I learned I am too damn good for an A. I have way too much to give of myself in a relationship than to waste it in an affair (And did I waste it! All that time holding back when I have SO MUCH in me to give!). I have moved on through FINALLY realizing this!!
Also, you will still miss him once you make this decision, but remember that you are missing what could have been rather than what was!! IMO
Peace and happiness to you all as well!!!
Thanks for your response. You made an excellent point that I would like to reiterate:
"the key to handling it is making a FIRM decision to end it for your own GOOD...for your own dignity. This is how you keep from suffering and completely benefit!"
YES, Dignity! In affairs, this is what slowly diminishes over time. If we can cut our losses before that well runs dry, then we have a good chance of regaining it back.
I have also learned over the last few months since my ending it, that the more I respect myself, the more I am respected. Funny how that works :)
Good luck to you,
Id
Over the summer I planted a garden that is taking off very nicely and so I will have tomatos, corn, green peppers, and squash. Can't wait. I also did some landcaping and throughly enjoy spending time outside basking in the sun, reading and soaking up nature. It is the BEST medicine on the planet. I've also signed up for some fall enrichment classes. Work keeps me pretty busy during the week, so down time is filled with just getting to know myself again. My middle son has moved back home after losing his job, and he has been a great comfort to have around. We are both helping one another to get our lives back on track.
Other than that, one day at a time. It's ALL good. No more emotional stress, roller coaster rides or paranoia. I hope the best for all of you who are moving on...
True
"I learned I am too damn good for an A. I have way too much to give of myself in a relationship than to waste it in an affair (And did I waste it! All that time holding back when I have SO MUCH in me to give!). I have moved on through FINALLY realizing this!!
Also, you will still miss him once you make this decision, but remember that you are missing what could have been rather than what was!! IMO
Peace and happiness to you all as well!!!"
- Damn right!!!
Good luck to everyon
I have learned that change can happen really fast..... and some changes are irrevocable. I have finally been successful in the endings department, but I will never be the same person...
ns
A few of the previous posters gave great advice - make a decision to end the affair just for today. And if "today" seems like too long, make a decision not to have contact with the OMM for the next hour. Then log on this board and dump it all out here. It's safe to vent your sadness and pain here. It's not safe to dump your sadness and pain on the OMM, or to take actions that aren't in accordance with your DECISION simply so you don't feel the sadness and pain. And you can break these increments down into as small a period of time as you need to - a day, an hour, a half hour, a minute. Tell yourself, I'm not going to contact him today. If I really have to, I'll contact him tomorrow. But I won't do it today. The urge will pass, and I can almost guarantee that if you can do it today, you'll not only be able to do it tomorrow, but you'll probably want to.
What did I learn from the A? I learned that my XMM filled a void in my life. The best thing I could have done was figure out what that void was and try to get it filled in safer, saner ways which didn't cause harm to anyone, especially my DH. My XMM was like a drug for me. No reality - we snuck away and made love. We didn't pay bills together, we didn't keep a house together, we didn't raise kids together. Bottom line, we didn't do any of the unromantic things that you must do with the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with. I can say today with absolute certainty that there's no way I could have spent the rest of my life with XMM doing these everyday, mundane things. Our relationship wasn't made of the kind of stuff that would have held up under that pressure. So while my DH is a bit less exciting and romantic, there's a great deal of stability, safety and friendship there, and we CAN face things together. Once I realized this, it took alot of the "magic" out of the A. It also made me appreciate the blessing of having someone else in my life that I CAN share all the day to day things with.
I hope this helped someone. I've been A-free for just about 6 months, and some days it feels like the whole thing was just a dream. Love, Mo.