how i got my power back

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
how i got my power back
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 5:21pm
it's been quite a day...feel like hearing?last summer when i was having trouble w/ my h...still am...i met a man much younger than myself,he told me i was the most special woman he had ever met..that he loved me...he also proposed to his gf & set a wedding date a week after my birthday...2 months from now...the relationship was torture..not fun.i was really in love.we would cool it & then he's change the rules..sameolestory.our last time together he regarded me like a tramp & still i was intent on being how he wanted me to...i got caught that very night...i protected him & kept my h from telling his fiance but at dire consequences to myself.om showed simply releif & actually made a comment to my best friend at a wedding...he also tried to get platonic w/ me(maybe for his safety?)& invited me to a show...in the program was a written devotion to his fiance...i didn't go but i heard.how cruel to invite me?i heard a bout a new girl & i went ballistic....whether it be true or not i no longer cared how i looked in his eyes..by sitting on this in a life that was altered beyond repair wasn't i just trying to prove what a jewel i am?his life was peaches & roses & he no longer cared.

so...a woman scorned you know?

i spent everyday living in fear of seeing happy ole him & hearing about his good old life.

maybe i was wrong but i asked every shrink i have,told m h even & told friends.then i sent him my decision.i was going to tell her as he was worthless.& a liar....i sent a second one.then i sent her the letters in various places only she would get them.my own father told me i was so very wrong but he was the only one...well...everything happened at once altho i never expected to know the outcome.he emails me w/ a what did i do?how did i hurt you how can i help response.said he was not afraid of me telling but respecting my wishes.i melted & felt very bad but a friend shook me & said he's a liar!i told him he might as well tell her as i already did it b/c i would never beleive him if he said the sky was up & the earth was down.he said i must have deeper probs...at that moment she shows at my friends still clueless w/ the letters in her hands..my friend tells her to call me & i wasn't ready for that.nor was i ready for her calm.i was hysterical...she asked why are you yelling at me?i asked why are you so calm?her calm was awesome but her stupidity shown like a beacon...sorry,but true.she was still clueless & strangers knew details.i couldn't stop yelling at her .it was wrong.this was very tough but i had to do this to heal.right now i feel very raw w?no one to talk about it to.i felt like confessing...so here it is.thanks for the ears.....susan