How long do you keep trying fake it til you make it?
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|Wed, 09-05-2012 - 12:09pm|
For those of you that know me...I am mainly now a lurker since my H discovered me and A on this board a mere 5 days after I became a member. Therefore I had a d-day! It was awful and to me the most awful thing about it is that I got caught. I wish today I never got caught because Im missing him terribly. However I am at a point where I think H is not watching me as much anymore and I will start posting again. I see so many of us in the same boat and while it helps it certainy sucks for all of us.
I am trying to work on my Marriage...2 months ago...I was probally 25% working...just doing it for the sake of saying at the end of the day I tried....then I decided to give it a go.....but its hard when I still love XAP with everything and the days of missing him are still so strong its hard to focus on anything else. I will have some good positive days and then I sink back into that deep hole and I feel like I should end my M just so I can move on from everything!
I am terrible with NC....I cant seem to go longer than 1 week....thats seems to be my threshold. And I hate that I do it. We dont really say much and yet I want to say so much to him but I dont...but I want to ask him if he still cares for me because if he doesnt then it means I am a total fool as I still love him. Why are woman the ones that always seems to get so wrapped up into it all!
Its just hard! Plain and simple. I think its been 4 bloody months and I still can sit here today and sob because I miss him so much. How can he not miss me? I know what difference would it make right??? Im just lost in this A hole and I so wish I could just get up from bed and know it was all a dream and go on with my life.
So I just decided to post on here to see if it helps with the healing as keeping it inside doesnt seem to be helping.