How long does it take?
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How long does it take?
| Sun, 07-04-2010 - 1:00pm |
Hi everyone,
I know the majority are all holidaying, and I hope you're all having fun.
I just want to know the timescale -- how long does it take? Although I'm only a few days NC - I am going through the motions very quickly, sometimes six emotions a day.
Sometimes I feel nothing, sometimes, angry, sometimes sad and feeling loss but after reading many posts here, there are As that have went on for as long as a decade??
Mine, only 6/7 mths. So surely my healing process will be quicker?
I'd love to hear any success stories, or just something for hope. Please.
Hope everyone's keeping good
PikuLou x

Hi PikuLou,
I'm still a newbie to this board and 4 weeks of NC with the end of my A, but I can tell you it is getting easier. The best part is I'm over the panicky stage of not being able to go on without xAP. I was in an A for two years, but I didn't see my xAP often but communication via texts was daily.
My advice is to start reading from the Healing Library, there maybe answers there. I wish I had read more sooner and might have avoided some things that might have helped the healing faster, but I didn't. So if you have time, browse the titles and start reading. Knowledge is power.
Have a great holiday!
Movingon at 50!
MovingON
Pikulou,
Thanks for the holiday wishes. Being a workaholic, just staying home and relaxing is a gift. Maybe a little BBQing later today but it's going to be a hot one here in the MidWest.
How long does it take? Well, that is really all up to you. The shift in emotions is perfectly normal...have you read the Stages of Grief? Hopefully because your A was short term, you will heal much more quicker than those who had long term affairs. There is a thread in the HL called, "A place for success stories" but not too many people chimed in. This is mostly due to the fact that it usually takes a year before the gals are called a Vet on this board, and by then they have moved on and only post in updates once in a while. If you continue reading here faithfully every day for a while, there will be other posts where someone is announcing they have reached the 3rd month mark (We call them Tweeners) and then the 6 month mark, (We call them super Tweeners) and then the Vets. I've been on this board for 6 years so you can call me "That old timer who wears a yellow hat." LOL.
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There is always 'hope' honey. Each day that you stick to NC takes you closer to not just hope, but an A survivor who made it out of the trenches. As MovingOn wrote, keep reading and learning. There is just so much to understand and digest.
((Hugs))
~Iddy~
I honestly think the pain last longer if you have any kind of contact. Contact includes texts, emails, im's, looking at fb page, etc. If you can truly go COMPLETE NC, I think you will heal faster. I didn't find this board until 7 months after I ended my A. I didn't understand the concept of NC. So, needless to say, my pain was dragged out for much longer than it had to be. I went 4 months at one point and decided I was healed and we could have a "catch-up" lunch. BIG MISTAKE!! That lunch set me back to day 1. I was devastated. So please take heed when everyone hear talks about the importance of never, ever contacting and also blocking any and every avenue from him making contact.
It will happen when you least expect it. You'll wake up one day and notice that he wasn't the first thing on your mind. Or you'll go through a whole day and realize you hadn't thought about him once. Keep busy, stay strong, you'll get there. I promise!
Love, AAI
Thank you all so much for responding, especially as I know you are all celebrating, partying and should be having fun.
I'm still getting the hang of this. Is Moniker an emotion? If so the caution is my wariness how mixed up I am at the minute, a bit like a loose cannon!
I was so sorry to hear about the time you spent healing and thought it time enough to do lunch - that's invaluable knowledge.
I sometimes think, from my brief (but intense) A getting over would be harder than most