How low can I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2009
How low can I go?
10
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 6:22pm

I've been posting on and off this board for almost 2 years now. The very fact that I'm still here, posting, is disappointing in itself. My biggest problem is I haven't taken heed of the advice given here, so..... 2 years later, here I am, still suffering, with next to ZERO dignity left.

My xap and I lasted about 6 months. I ended up pregnant (with my H's child), his W also ended up pregnant.... that sorta put an end to the "fun"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 6:40pm

Why,

That is a very painful story to read.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 7:24pm

Why,

Honey, if you look up the word "Toxic" you will see your so called friend's picture under the word. Unfortunately, because you still rub elbows with him, those toxins will continue to wear off on you. Maybe if you start to imagine him as a pile of toxic waste you will find the strength to run, not walk, as far away from him as you can. Toxins kill, honey, and he is killing you inside.

It's time to step up to that plate called "reality" and bat this loser out of the park. It's only natural that your M appears to be ruined and that you think you have no love for your H, because you have been showering it all on someone who couldn't get clean if his life depended on it. I am not saying that by walking away from Mr. Toxic your M will suddenly become a bed of roses, but your H doesn't stand a chance in h3ll as long as your heart is somewhere else. Why are you so afraid of letting this guy go? Are you in T? What are you really afraid of? These are all questions you can ask a T because they have the knowledge and tools for helping you to find the answers.

In the mean time, NOTHING is going to change until you do. You hold the power to end this toxic cycle by refusing to talk, text, call, email, hang with, or acknowledge this guy. Have you ever gone NC on him? If not, why not? Also, you call it "just being friends" but darl'n, I've got news for you. You are still having an emotional affair with this guy.

End it. Cut him off and start focusing on yourself and what you need. How about starting by not typing anymore posts about HIM and make them all about you. This man is poison and you need to stop drinking from his cup.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 8:58pm

whydidi,

you may have been posting on and off for the past two years, but you've never had the knowledge, the anger or the power that you have at this moment.

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 9:04pm

(((((((((WHY))))))))))))),

Taking off the rose colored glasses and seeing things in reality is a HUGE slap in the face eh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 9:58pm

Hello Why.

I found your story quite compelling and some parts of it were similar to me, such as I thought i was the only 'big love' of xap's life. I think WE ALL feel that way and then wham~a big smack in the face that says we never were.

Now that you're here, again, I pray that you find the strength you need to cut the cord once and for all. I'm new here and since I started T in October, I have started to feel better (altho today I had a bad day since I still work w/xap, but I'm leaving this job next year, yes!) so please consider T for

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 10:34pm

Welcome back, sorry it's under these crazy circumstances.

Everyone has had great words but I want to touch on something else.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2010
Tue, 11-30-2010 - 11:39pm

(((Why)))

Welcome back!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 12:27am

Why,

Hi and Welcome back.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2009
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 4:34am

Wow.... it took all of 7 replies from you wonderful people and I feel 99% better and stronger, ALREADY!

Right now, I

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 12-02-2010 - 1:52pm

Why,

It had to take a lot of courage to come back here and lay it all on the table.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.