how to move on without answers!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
how to move on without answers!
27
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 2:47pm

that is the question! He won't return emails now... I send them off, pouring out my heart to him the way he use to do... and apparently my words/feelings/pain mean nothing to him now! :( It's killing me that he just keeps deleting the emails without so much as a "I'm sorry" or "I just can't right now" NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He knows (because I use to tell him) that ignoring me was the worst. I'd rather him come out and say "I can't see you" or "it's better this way" like he use to do... and now it's come down to NOTHING!

So... did I EVER mean anything to him? I can't imagine treating some I even USE to love like this! :( It's almost more than I can bear! :(

How can I get past needing answers!? :(

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:08pm
I will max thanks for your support as well as Dusty. You know in one breath I get some mad and than in another I want him back so bad. The sex was the BEST, ok sorry if that is too much information but it was.....I'll miss that.....what a rollercoaster ride I'm on.....thanks for all the support!!!
M~
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 4:16pm

I understand where you're coming from, totally. For us, the s*x was the best ever, he always said he'd never had it as good with anyone else, and for me that was definitely true.

And I didn't get the answers I wanted either. I know the last time we had NC, he deleted all pic's of me and emails and everything. He was trying to get me out of his mind. And I kept up the NC, he ended up contacting ME after a couple of months.

And when he did, he didn't really have a satisfactory explanation for treating me like Sh*t. Nor did he really apologize. He just would not tell me the truth and each time this has happened, my respect for him as a person has gone down little by little.

I used to think he was such a decent man, and would have these sappy daydreams about him. Now I'm down to just thinking "well I'm going to miss the sex". That is certainly true!!

The fact is, we don't have a choice when THEY decide to end it. And we need to accept that fact with dignity, and without looking like crying, pathetic fools. The LAST thing I want to do is let him know that he won, he broke my heart. He will NOT know that, it was broken long ago.

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 02-18-2005 - 9:01pm

hi moeell and dusty,

maybe it is "LUST" and not love is what we are feeling, u gals tell me, the sex is the best i had in my life maybe because it is forbiden and hidden, the hidding and not telling the truth is what makes it realy good, all the hiding is what makes it worst

now OM/MM/OW will end it and we have no control over it thats why we had such a hard time dealing with it, i think , i could be wrong

i just got home, before i left for work OW came to me and talked to me, she asked me how i was doing , i told her i feel like crap, she told me i had to let go and move on, she told me we had fun together but the timing is just not right, her words exactly and i quote, she said that i need to get better and she does not want to see me depress , and for some reason she told me she now has to live for her daughter, and she told me the reason why i am having a hard time is i have no one to live for now, what the heck was that, and then she told me to take care and go home

i am so sad that she said it, i think she just took me for granted and never realy cared for me in any other way, now i wish i can forget her

im not realy having a good time

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 3:38pm
Well this is my 2cents worth. My MM and I worked together and he quit week before last. He promised to call me and that we would see each other again. Has he called....NO. Have I seen him....NO. He is the one who had my heart.
I have another MM I see and it is only for the sex. It is much easier to realize these affairs are not real relationships and to not get emotionally involved. It is so much a game and these men love the pursuit but once they have you and you feel you love them then they suddenly are not as available and not willing to take a risk. My 2nd MM is nothing more that a person I have sex with and I knew when I started this that I could not get emotionally involved because I knew I had been hurt and lied to before so I went in this A with no expectations from him....it is so much easier this way!!
I think we all learn from our mistakes as I have. If it is sex you need find someone else to fill that void. You will feel so much more in control when there are no emotions involved. I know it is hard for women to have sex and not get emotionally involved butit can be done. My first MM made me feel special and beautiful and all those things we all want to hear but I now realize that is was not real and maybe he does care for me but is not willing to risk losing the W and kids for me. I think the first A is always the hardest to get over....kinda like you first true love.
I think I will try the NC for 60 days and see if he calls me ever again. I know by then I will be ready to tell him to go to he%$.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 02-19-2005 - 5:06pm

i wish i can just have a sex affair with OW, i think she was having a sex affair with me only, i was emotionally involve with her, i think she was able to have not emotions for me or maybe able to block it , she seems so very fine with ending the affair with me and not have any hard time dealing with it at all

oh well, i could not have sex with someone i dont have feelings for, just me

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 02-21-2005 - 9:58am

I'm with you, I couldn't have sex with someone I didn't have any feelings for at all. If that was the case, I'd get me a gigalo. And I think with MM it was the same too. He never said he had feelings (other than saying he was fond of me). But if it was only for the sex, he could have found someone closer, it would have been alot easier for him, or hire a hooker if that's all he wants. He's got the money for it. But he didn't want that. He wanted a R with one person who he could be intimate in that way, and it was the same thing I wanted. No talk of leaving our M's or anything like that, it was comfortable how we were going along.

But now it seems it has ended. So the guilty feelings must have taken over him. Maybe I should do him a favor and if he DOES call me again, tell him its over. What do you think? Put an end to this madness!!

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 4:15am

Hi poster

I can relate what you are going through right now. You are waiting for a closure to this A. I was dumped like a sack of potatoes right after Valentine's Day exactly a year ago. Nothing to indicate that there was problem with the A. He came to see me and my DD and brought gifts etc etc. And after that 2 days later, xMM told me that we had to break up as his W was having a child! We had a relationship that lasted about 2 and half years. The first couple of months were the hardest and I came to this community to gain strength and knowledge on how to go on with my life as I have a little girl to take care of. I never thought that I would be writing this and telling you that with time, it gets better. Of course in beginning it was terrible. But with all these lovely people here giving their advice, some how things got better with time. I still think of xMM and sometimes certain word, phrase or things will trigger the close relationship we had. I sometimes ache for him too but then what's the point of wasting my energy on something that's already dead!!!!

Hang in there girl, you will get better, believe me as I am a living proof.

"No man is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry".
"Don't waste your time on a man who isn't willing to waste their time on you".

hugsssssss, DF

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