How much do we know about the opposite sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
How much do we know about the opposite sex?
6
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 2:28pm

I'm thinking it'd be interesting to write out what we know, think we know, have learned about the opposite sex.  I know we are working on ourselves and getting know what motivates us, so I want us to focus on them.  And, I am hoping that Ratherbeme (maybe it will even draw out the other guys) will chime in to tell us if we are on or off the beam and also put out here what he thinks he knows about us.  Now, some ideas may be generalizations, garnered from our own experiences...it will apply to some...not all.  Perhaps it will help us with our present spouse or future relationships...and *no bashing allowed*.

This is my experience

1.  Men have a priority list in their minds...and whatever is number 1 on that list, gets their full attention.  And I'm thinking this is why, whenever we were on the top of their list...and they came on like gangbusters...got what they wanted (and I don't mean that in a negative way...because maybe it was just to be in our company)...and off the top of the list we went...we seemed so...what's the word I'm looking for?...ummm, we seemed so no longer their priority because we were no longer their focus...on to the next priority on their list.  Far cry from being come on to like gangbusters to what appears to us to be a sudden disinterest.

2. If they are interested, they will make room in their life for you, BUT they will not drop their life for you...and well they shouldn't.  And that's a big difference I see.  We women tend to drop everything and everyone by the wayside, and that is a recipe for disaster.  No man wants a woman who has no life, and he'll know this very quickly when we are always available and when we have nothing of real interest (because we dropped all our interests) to bring to the relationship table.  I figure this goes for the women too.  How do we feel about men who are always available?  That's right, they appear desperate and kinda pathetic and smothering and boring.

3.  S'mothering.  No one likes to be smothered/mothered, particularly men...well, except when they are sick.

4.  The big shutdown.  I have to say, this is one crazy feature of theirs.  My previous boyfriend was always up for an argument and never backed down.  MH on the other hand, showed me the big shutdown.  Once I start raising my voice, forgeddaboutdit...shutdown mode is activated.  Not only does he not speak, but he becomes fixed in one position.  One example, he really pushed my buttons once and he got a slap...it wasn't a full-on slap...half-a-hand slap.  I walked away...he stood there...fixed.  This was three years ago; and if I hadn't gone over to him and tried to smooth things over about 30 minutes later (and he was still fixed to that spot), he'd probably still be fixed in that spot.

5. I've learned over time that, if I have something to say, I tell him I need 5-10 minutes of his time...men need to know there's a limit...and will usually give their full attention...even if they appear to be reading a magazine...they *are* listening..and actually do better if they do not have to look directly at you.  Tell them when you are through...even if you aren't...you can revisit it another time.  It always helps to, to get what you want or need, when they have a full belly.  And no whining or yelling.  Btw, go take a look at yourself in the mirror...whining or yelling...not pretty, is it?

6.  Men feel underappreciated most times.  We tend to forget to appreciate them...even for the little things.  Even if we work 40 hours, do all the laundry, fix all the dinners, put the kids to bed...if they don't hear a thank you for taking out the trash, the trash won't be taken out again.  It seems that's all they ask...is to feel appreciated.  Now, I know that you will feel underappreciated as well at times, but we're not talking about you right now :)  

7.  Men like the chase.  And the more powerful the women, the more exciting the catch.  Yet, we turn to weaklings and turn over our power to them and what happens?  Loss of attraction.  And if we just throw ourselves at their feet and act like doormats or cling-ons...loss of interest.  It's like the lion.  Drop a dead mouse in front of him and it's 'talk to the paw...I didn't kill it...not interested."  Don't be a dead mouse.

8.  Men like sassy women with an edge.  They really do prefer bitches...not mean women...a BabeInTotalControlofHerself...one who knows her self worth and who will not participate in bad behavior.  Always maintain the mindset, and let him know it by your actions, that you can take him or leave him.

9.  Men like women who will call them to the mat over bad behavior.  And they are like kids...will test us over and over and over.  Even if we are wrong, at least we went down fighting.

10.  Men need to 'be on purpose'.  It's up to us to keep them on purpose.  They need to know they are needed...that is their purpose.  A for instance:  I can't open a jar, I go to him to open the jar, he opens the jar, he gets a hug and a sweet kiss and a thank you.  I walk away and see him out of the corner of my eyes...all puffed up and feeling pretty damn good about himself.  He has a purpose.  He can make me happy.  And believe me, once a man feels that he can no longer make his woman happy...the relationship is doomed.

That's all I can come up with for now.

I hope everyone will contribute their own observations.

Clarity


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Thu, 11-01-2012 - 4:35pm

Agreed.

My $.02:  Indeed, it is very important to understand the opposite sex.

Above all, it's so important for a woman to posess self-confidence and self-respect.  If she's unsatisfied in a relationship, she needs to let her partner know.  If she's not getting what she needs to be happy, she must do her part to try to fix it - and if it can't be fixed, eventally have the courage to move on, instead of settling for an unsatisfying, mediocre relationship.  Life is too short to settle.  Who wants to be old & grey, sitting in her rocking chair, lamenting about her inaction in the twilight of life.

To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, "

“You Must Do the Things You Think You Cannot Do”

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 9:35am

I think that we all see everything and everybody differently based on where we are and when it is.

Generalizations are great, but too broad to make any kind of a definitive answer.

I have met and been close to strong/weak people who were weak/strong.  KWIM?  By sex?  Way to many people in this world.

We all are so different, that we even see and understand things differently.  I see it here in posts. Depending where we are at in the time-line of ending, how much empathy we have, how clear our thinking is and what day of the week it is, it all comes into play, and it all comes down to how we perceive things. 

I am a firm believer in PERCEPTION is about as true as we can expect. How ever YOU perceive something is how it is.  I accept that as a fact.

At least to you as a person it is. It's however you perceived it.  If you perceive it wrong, it doesn't matter.  It's in your mind that way so thats what you go with.

So the opposite sex?  I can't put a finger on it, because I have learned there are too many variables.

So I'll beg out of this, with just a penny and a half worth of an opinion. Smile

I miss you all,

RBM 

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 6:27pm

  ROFL:  The generalities are so amusing; esp this:

   7.  Men like the chase.  And the more powerful the women, the more exciting the catch.  Yet, we turn to weaklings and turn over our power to them and what happens?  Loss of attraction.  And if we just throw ourselves at their feet and act like doormats or cling-ons...loss of interest.  It's like the lion.  Drop a dead mouse in front of him and it's 'talk to the paw...I didn't kill it...not interested."  Don't be a dead mouse.

   Dead mouse weighing 1 gram to a 500 lb lion is an insult!  No not all men like the "chase".  many have other things to do in their life and won't bother with a game player.  The word is next!

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 7:29pm

I'm 60 years old, and this is truly what I have observed.  And I did say we would get some generalizations based upon our experiences...and that it would not apply to all.


Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 10:57pm

I agree with you. Cool  I hope you think that I am one of those............nice guys. 

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 11:33pm

One of the nicest, Dude Cool