How stupid is this? Please kick my butt!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
How stupid is this? Please kick my butt!
6
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 11:16am
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 11:51am

Ah, Alice. Big hugs.
You're right about the hole and it needing to be filled. I hope you'll turn your energy towards re-educating your H, and not let his insensitivity swamp you into complacency in your M. I know exactly how you feel. This morning, 'thoughtful' H got out of the shower, while I was in the tub, and he gathered up the towels to put in the washer. All the towels. Including MINE. hello? am I invisible?
I don't even have to compare H to X in order to feel neglected. X was also a self-centered poot. ;)

If you figure it out, let me know! I need a butt-kicking, too.

xoxo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 12:33pm

Well now Alice my foot is tired.


<>


I only know the Alice from this board and she is a very courageous, intelligent and kind person who saw the A’s destructive nature and ended it. Ok I’ll stop talking about you in the third person now.


I think back to my Obie Wan Kanobie which was my T. I always went into her office expecting to see her levitating with her legs crossed in the yoga sitting position quoting Confucius or Gandhi.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 2:54pm

Please forgive me for what I am about to say, before I say it, but Dee when your husband picked up the towels and your towel this morning to put it in the washer, he was doing it out of love for you.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 5:08pm

Yep, the hole.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 5:49pm
NS,
I don't want to further hijack Alice's post, but I just wanted to say you are forgiven. Ha! and, in my case, wrong. ;)
I would love to talk more about this, but here is not the place. Maybe when we do the girls weekend out in Vegas?
xoxox
Dee
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 6:45pm

Hi AiW,

I am sorry that you didn't get the validation and affirmation you were looking for from you H - I know what that feels like, and it hurts. I found this especially hard when in the fog of the A - because I was like 'well then - screw-you! xAP will love it'!. And now I realize how messed-up this was. My H would never ever ask for validation, he always was, and still is (even after a Dday) totally assured in who he is. He appreciates when I pay him compliments, but they don't validate him... he already knows himself. I, on the other hand, learned very early to seek the validation from others - I was a model and professional dancer prior to University. I simply had NO sense of myself outside of what other's mirrored back to me. How dangerous a position this put me in.

Now - I am working so hard to only require the approval of myself. Sometimes, ya, it feels lonely. I want someone to say how great I look, but like you, can count on my BFFs for that. But more so, I can feel the hole inside of me filling in with my own self-love deposits.

Some days this is harder than others - I still have very dark moments where I wonder ... well, I wonder lots of things. But for today, I'm okay - and so are you. You are AMAZING Alice ... you are strong and fierce. You will learn to soar again. Stay just in this moment. And in this moment, life is full of possibilities.

My best,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou