Hey Alice- I agree with it 100%. I used to tell xap that I was an enabler and he agreed. I hope that now that our A is over, he is either able to work it out or move on from his M. Regardless, it does not affect me anymore. I've set him free to work it out... just as I am now free to heal.
"She (the OW) makes it tolerable for him to remain in an intolerable situation. She makes it possible for him to remain in a marriage that doesn't satisfy him.......She makes it possible for him to deny that there is anything missing in his relationship with his wife."
What I find so contradictory about this is that when I said the same thing about me, my M, and my thoughts about how the A helped me tolerate my M -- I was told that this is "one of the classic affair lies". I believe that. At least for myself. So how can the opposite be true for the MM?
I don't think that is necessarily true. I know ppl who have gone through an A and their M actually turned out much better. I think a cheating man will say anything to keep the OW hanging on. When you think about it, his cheating shows that he can't handle real life. How can you possibly anything they tell you? M is hard but you have to work at it everyday and not run away and hide and cheat trying to escape.
<<"She (the OW) makes it tolerable for him to remain in an intolerable situation. She makes it possible for him to remain in a marriage that doesn't satisfy him.......She makes it possible for him to deny that there is anything missing in his relationship with his wife.">>
I read the full post in the Healing Library and I think it was just a poor choice of words to make
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
"She (the OW) makes it tolerable for him to remain in an intolerable situation. She makes it possible for him to remain in a marriage that doesn't satisfy him.......She makes it possible for him to deny that there is anything missing in his relationship with his wife."
What I find so contradictory about this is that when I said the same thing about me, my M, and my thoughts about how the A helped me tolerate my M -- I was told that this is "one of the classic affair lies". I believe that. At least for myself. So how can the opposite be true for the MM?
<<"She (the OW) makes it tolerable for him to remain in an intolerable situation. She makes it possible for him to remain in a marriage that doesn't satisfy him.......She makes it possible for him to deny that there is anything missing in his relationship with his wife.">>
I read the full post in the Healing Library and I think it was just a poor choice of words to make
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.