How will I end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
How will I end it?
1
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:37am
Hi everyone!

Im practically new to this board. Been in A for 2 years and 3 months, I guess. My question is how do i really start ending an affair? Cant I end it being friends with him? Do I really need to tell him that we should end this? Can I just be cold and let him wonder why?

Im so confused. I want to move on coz I hate the roller coaster ride already but I just dont have the strength to really move on. I fear of the loneliness and sadness attached to ending it.

Oh well.... Your inputs will be highly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 6:49pm
It is tough, and not easy. One of the harder things I've done.

Here's what is working for me so far:

1- Do you tell him? I wrote a nice card/letter saying "good bye". (that takes care of the "coldness" you're worried about.)

2- Friends? Not likely. Almost impossible. Some will say otherwise, but my humble opinion is that less than 1% work out as friends later. There's an old saying: "Friends become lovers, often; lovers, friends, never." It will always be "in the background"... how real can a friendship be w/ that baggage? Plus, the temptation would always lurk to start up again. If you end it, end it. Friendship is a foot in the door.

3- How to start? Start w/ yourself. Decide what is best for YOU....

4- Don't be cold & leave him wondering. He'll keep calling & emailing if you do.

5- Fear/confusion- Read around here. You'll see more pain down the road if you don't end it, most likely. It is hard. It will take strength. But there is strength here to lend out.

6- Go "No Contact" (NC)... Here, that is like the "steps to sobriety" are in A-A. Really. NC is the only way to go. You can start nice. But be firm. NC is the only way that I have seen truly successful from my months on this board. Give it a shot. If nothing else, you'll think a lot. This is good for you. You can grow.

7- Keep coming here. Lots of support. Post & read. Sometimes helping others helps you. Share. It is good.

good luck, UR...