How would you feel if MM found a new OW

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
How would you feel if MM found a new OW
9
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 6:07pm
Today I have been obsessed with the thought of MM finding a new OW. Does anyone else have these thoughts? I get sick just at the thought of it. Please tell me I am not alone. Our A ended when he moved 1000 miles away. I know his needs and always think of him finding someone else. I hate these thoughts. I wonder if he ever thinks of me finding a new MM?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 6:30pm
It would kill me. During our A, I got upset a couple of times over a woman he was good friends with who lived near him. He didn't understand why, but it was because that's how WE started out -- as just friends. I never feel jealous of his wife, strangely enough, and when we ended the A because he caught her in another A, he said he either had to work on his marriage or get a divorce and start dating again, (or I could leave my H and we could be together -- an option I nixed), and he couldn't do either one with integrity if we were still carrying on this A. I was so relieved to find out that he is working on his marriage. It does kill me to imagine him falling in love again with someone new. I know I shouldn't care, but I do. Wish I didn't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:06pm
I would be happy because if I dont have the strength to end it with him tomorrow maybe he would end it with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 7:11pm

I expect GB to find another OW. I think he'll have someone within a year or two if he doesn't already. Right now and for the last couple of years (since the end of the affair and she found out about it in counseling) she is keeping a pretty tight rein on him. Well, she did before but he figured out how to lie his way around it. Now, she's a little wiser.


Even though he and his wife are in marriage counseling and were in individual counseling, he hasn't taken any of it to heart. His wife is working through a lot of issues and has grown tremendously as a person. He is playing with it to please her. He says his marriage is happy and that he's content. Yeah, he's content as long as he has a 'little' on the side.

~Chris~<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 1:10am
this is what i have been dealing with the last few months: whether xMM has found a new A to fulfill himself with--as i became too complicated, because i am real, and honest, and probably headed for divorce. WAY TOO MUCH FOR XMM TO HANDLE!

I never was jealous of xMM's wife--because i know her and i know what she is like. she is very, very different than me. she is very closed off, anti-social and stiff. xMM used to complain about this all the time. in short: she is a DRAG! she is 35 but looks 45. i am 40 but look 30. she is matronly, severe; where i am not. she is not fun, where i am a blast (if i say so myself). i live a very passionate life--tho, a very sad one, at the moment.

But when i thought about him finding another MW or OW to be with, that hurt a lot. I know that he will. He is a very sexual and passionate man and his wife isn't. But he believes in the institution of marriage and will never leave it. I am positive i was his first A--but know, that i have opened the door for him. For me, he opened the door for my understanding, that there is more out there for me and it's not an affair.

Clarice



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 1:06am
I totally understand where you are coming from lexy. I too have that same scary thought that MM has found another OW. When i think about it i get really sick to my stomach and just want to throw up. I also believe i was MM's first affair but you are also right in saying now the door is open and since he didnt get caught with our A maybe he feels he wont if he has another A. I really do believe MM has another OW but i dont have any proof. It's just weird to me how he finally waited a year to tell me he loved me and he had faith that one day he would be happy with me and me alone and now it's been 2 mths and i havent heard anything from MM. I would like to know if he still thinks about us and all the good memories we had together but honestly i think it's a out of sight, out of mind thing for him. I have a close male friend who works around MM and when i talk to him i occasionally ask about how MM is doing, trying to at least find out something but he just tells me that he barely even talks to him anymore so i drop it. Also last time me and MM had a cooling point away from each other, after i called him i asked him if he was talking to anybody and he said "not really" then he went on to say that he saw his ex gf at the mall and they just talked but the reason why he did this was to get revenge back at me for sending him a nasty email. We made up and that's when one day we were chatting on the computer and he said he loved me or actually the keyboard did. He told me he really doesnt show emotion and he hardly ever tells someone he loves them unless it's a family member like his son. I knew that he meant he really did love me but he wanted to say it when he felt it which is reasonable, but now he basically said the "L" word and left me without saying goodbye or anything and it does hurt and there's not a day that goes by that i dont think of MM. The other nite was just laying in bed trying to fall asleep and that's when the tears started falling down and i knew it was completely over with us. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach and i couldnt breathe. That was the hardest thing to realize. Anyways, like i said it would definitely hurt me more than it already has if i found out MM wasnt just cheating on his W but also cheating on me. I probably wouldnt be able to forgive him and it would make me probably hate me. Thanks for letting me vent, everyday is hard for me but i still keep trying to move forward. Any advice or suggestions are greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 2:43am
It would shatter my reality as I know it. It would also be an ending that I could understand and then deal with. Because just being left when you know they love you makes no sense and you can't understand or deal with it left at I LOVE YOU!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 9:57pm
Georgia,

I feel the same way when I think of him with OW. I want to puke. Our A was the first time for each and it was for the long haul until he moved. We tried the LDA but you know what 1000 miles can do to that. I just know he needs to have some one there for him, and he probably already has someone. I wish I could give you some suggestions to help you but I know coming to this board and reading all the great advice helps me. I dont feel so alone knowing someone else feels exactly the way I do. I try to take it one day at a time. But boy does it hurt. I am at the point where I can't even cry anymore. I miss him and probably always will. Oh how I hate this pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 2:08am
Never forget that you are only human. As in any relationship that ends, we tend to dwell on the questions that were never answered: Does he still think of me? Did he really ever love me? Has he found someone new? And what if those answers fell from the sky and landed at your feet? Would they really change anything? Your decision has already been made and you are now directing your life away from what was, into new possibilities and dreams that have all the potential of manifesting into was "is". There is hope at the end of your tunnel, sitting right next to the light that is also there waiting for you. Tomorrow is another promise even if today was filled with heartache and tears. I know from experience that it will get easier but to speed up the process, every day try to let go of just one little question that you KNOW you will never have the answer. A scientific fact: There are some equasions that will never have a definitive conclusion. That's life....now go live it.

Take care, Madam

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 12:00pm
Madam, you are AWESOME. Very wise. I take a lot of inspiration from your posts. Thanks!