Hows? And What-ifs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2010
Hows? And What-ifs?
11
Tue, 08-17-2010 - 4:20pm

Hi Everyone,


I have been reading these boards for about a week now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 10:37am

Hi Pinky,

Late to the post - but you have received some amazing advice and support. When ending your affair, the only thing that counts, is ending it. The "how" is less significant - the ENDING is what matters now. I would strongly recommend NOT meeting him in person, just as others have said. As for an explanation to the ending .. well, it is/was an affair, and they are made to end.

That is always the explanation - whether we share that with them, or not. I know others feel otherwise, but I am all for ending it however you need to end it. If you can manage a simple "Our affair is over and I will not be contacting you again" email then do it. For some xAPs this can assist with them in not sending out the lame "are you okay". Others of us have had to deal with fishing attempts long after we clearly ended the affair.

Block & walk. Don't wait for that email/text/phone call begging you to re-consider. It is all lies, delusional thinking and empty words. If he hasn't left by now, he ain't leaving.

You owe this man nothing. NOTHING. He has dragged you along long enough - he is a substance using affair partner. Let him be someone else's mess - like his W. Get out of his life and let yourself move on. There is no closure that can come from elsewhere, only within. He will know exactly why you are ending it - there is no explanation required. You are tired of the BS, of the false promises and living off a fantasy. End of story. If we owed them or ourselves anything, it was when we were making the choices to engage in the affair - we owed it to ourselves to NOT choose any affair.

END this madness one way or another. That is the kindest thing you can do for both of you.

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

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