Huge revelation

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Huge revelation
4
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 3:40pm

Hello All~


For those of you who don't know me, I had an a with an ex bf from many years ago. He went nc about

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 6:49pm

Free,


I have followed your story because ours were very similar a's.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Fri, 02-12-2010 - 9:31pm

Hi, life!

I'd be happy to talk with you through email. My address is available through my profile. Click on my name and "send email." Hope to hear from you soon!

Free :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 2:35pm

Free~

Your T was absolutely correct about missing the drama. Women are wired for it, and their A's definitely provided soap opera scripts on a daily basis. Also, those who were raised in dysfunctional homes have it ingrained in their mental tapes to expect this kind of life when they go out into the world on their own. If life appears boring and mundane, they will find ways to create the drama, as they believe they function easier in it than out of it. Ironically it provides a comfort zone, as dysfunctional as it is.

It is indeed a HUGE revelation for you, and I give you great big kudos in acknowledging this self realization; when we change our thinking, our perceptions will change too. Not only do Enders have to deal with the withdrawal symptoms of an affair, but also with the drama that was attached to those highs and lows. Sadly for some, the only way to feel alive is to create scenarios that will produce that junky-like adrenaline rush, only an A produces much more than feel goods and ego boosts. A hefty price tag is also attached to this destructive behavior. :(

You are progressing remarkably well by facing your addiction demons and I am very proud of you. It's all about digging deep within ourselves to uncover the truths about ourselves that were camouflaged by our A.

((Peace and Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Sat, 02-13-2010 - 9:56pm

Hey, iddy!

If I had more free time, I probably would've found this revelation by reading other posts on EAS without having to go to a t, but whatever!! :o)

This really is all about dealing with personal demons....and, truth be told? Me no likey. Yuck. I've got some ugly ones that only this a has brought to the surface...and here I thought I was just this sweet, little thing! Not so much.

While the pain of ending sucked a#*, the personal growth I'm experiencing now is amazing...pretty deep stuff, I know, but you KWIM :o)

Needing validation, feeling/playing the victim, addictive thinking etc etc...all that crap made me have setbacks....and I was thinking the setbacks were just about my xap and how much I was mourning the loss of my "soul mate" (seems so ridiculous now to think he was)....in fact, if I see it for what it is, I've been over the loss of him (the person) for a really long time!!

I just hope others might see this and save themselves some time by getting to the real issues underneath...I feel REALLY good now about my future when I doubt I could've said that even a week ago...

Much love,
Free (and really NOT confused anymore!!)