Huge setback. HUGE :(
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Huge setback. HUGE :(
| Fri, 05-20-2011 - 3:36pm |
It had been nearly 11 weeks after my 4 year A ended. I was doing ok!
| Fri, 05-20-2011 - 3:36pm |
It had been nearly 11 weeks after my 4 year A ended. I was doing ok!
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Much love
theyellowone xx
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~
"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~
My suggestion is to start journaling right away. Put it in a place no one will find it and pour your heat out about him. Write poetry. Another thing I think is helpful is to look at some romantic poetry. No kidding, really!! Because what you have here is a failed romance. It's not going to work, it can't work. It's an AFFAIR! ItSo this is a love and
Take a deep breath and know that you can start over right now..
I'm actually glad to see your post.. I'm only on Day 7 and was feeling pretty good about that almost cocky you might say.. Your post brought me back down to reality.. Because NO I'm not out of the woods yet and may not be for a very long time..
BFN-
Yes, this is a huge setback.
heartacheafter7years
Result? : more hurt, more humiliation and ultimately thru his carelessness a HUGE Dday for him in July and then for me in OCT.. 3 months post final ending....
KNOW being friends cant happen,
KNOW a little txt leads to more and more it is addictive.it happens nearly every time
KNOW every comunnication is a potential bomb....
i KNOW i was strong in the end in maintaining NC but i also know i would have caved in an instant if XAP had come knockng again...thank god he finally learned
Please understand the wisdom in your post and stick with 11 weeks after 4 years would have been HUGE.... learn from your hard lesson jump back on the EAS wagon and make it stick for YOU ...be the strong one...you can do it
NC x
New Choices, New Chapter,
New Challenges,
scenario 1 - you walk down the street and fall in a hole.
scenario 2 - you walk down the street and try as you might to avoid the hole, you still fall in.
scenario 3 - you walk down the same street and try jumping with your eyes closed but still fall in the hole.
scenario 4 - try a different street.
This is why NC is so crucial in ending for real. There is no such thing as friendship after an affair. I compared it once before to making a milkshake - you start with vanilla and start mixing in stuff - and while you can take out the big chunks - it can never go all the way back to vanilla.
You are here - you've taken responsibility, block and walk. Give both of you a gift in closing the door and trying a new street. Breathe in and out. Try figuring out what it was you were seeking - applause? Approval? Validation? what did you want from it? to be rescued? journaling is a HUGE help in regards to working through things, venting, having your say - getting it out. do this for you.
Much love,
Lolly
I have been in your position, and know what you are going through. I was only a few weeks out last year when I allowed myself to get sucked back into my A. I knew I didn't want to be there, but one contact lead to another, which lead to another year of pain and suffering. I'm coming up on 6 weeks NC this time, but I still carry around a LOT of cr@p from the past year. it's that which gives me resolve never, ever to return.
In the interest of full disclosure, I'll confess that the past year had its "good" moments, but you know what they were; the heady, delusional, false highs of the A. As we all know, no accumulation of those moments replace the loss of our self-respect, dignity and integrity. And yet, as low as I felt, it took me another year to get here. Endings can seem impossibly hard at times; but we all knew that already.
I applaud your honesty and willingness to post your story here. As we know this board advocates NC as the primary (only) sure-fire means to end the destruction of the A. I learned my lesson the hard way; thinking that I could get through one last meeting to bring "closure" to it; I was never so wrong. If you really want this A to end, I hope that you are able to see what actions are required, and the commitment it demands.
I am so sorry that you have to go through this again and am sending you as much positive energy as I can muster.
MPV
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