Humble Request

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Humble Request
46
Sat, 12-25-2010 - 3:04am

I slept all day & am up late doing my Self-Healing Homework and ran across a STICKLER for me. Im trying to change my faulty beliefs but I happened upon one...that I (sadly) am having a REALLY TOUGH TIME...refuting.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 12-27-2010 - 1:51pm

((((Always))))))

Yes! I am INSPIRED AND HAPPY too!!! that we all are embracing our weaknesses / issues - it feels so liberating!!!!

To do it visibly in the company of so many women I admire and look to for heart and inspiration is just BAFFLING AND GRACIOUS!!

Your energy to excel in 2011 feeds my energy to do the same!

I keep walking around at home - and say out loud...."NEW LIFE IN 2011".

My daughter (18) was watching tv...and I kept walking in front of it...saying NEW LIFE in 2011! She was trying to look THROUGH me - as if the tv show was more important- :) so I LIMBOED in front of the tv and said....NEW LIFE IN 2011!~!!!She FINALLY broke face and laughed...

But Im drilling it - into the universe!!!!!

NEW LIFE IN 2011!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 12-27-2010 - 1:56pm

(((((((Feelin)))))))

Thanks for that book recommend!!!! I will google it & peruse!!!

I've got a number of self help books I've purchased over the years and when I didnt have internet for the past 2 days...I started reading. I picked up...How to not let emotions control your life...or something like that....Been journaling through that. Its funny but the common theme I seemed to have accumulated over the years all center around loving myself.

My daughter even pointed out this morning - You've got a lot of self help books. I said, "what can I say...Ive got alot of issues" :)

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 12-27-2010 - 2:01pm
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 12-27-2010 - 2:07pm

RBM,

Thank you!!! and FRANKLY.....the divergence of feedback is EXACTLY what helps me.I like to see things from many sides before internalizing it.

Youre correct about the disillusionment that comes - especially....as I was sold this Bill of Goods that went something like this....

IF YOU CAN JUST DO ___________ , YOU WILL GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME TO LEAVE MY MARRIAGE.

I was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUSY FOCUSING ON FILLING THAT BLANK SPACE - that I did NOT even LOOK at what I was going to get in return and whether that'd be of any interest to me or if realistically was going to FIT WITH ME.

Now when I see xap more clearly for who he really IS....Uhm, Yah...I definitely did OVERKILL in trying to BE SOMETHING for that guy, when WHO I WAS IN THE FIRST PLACE, was CERTAINLY MORE THAN he'd ever be capable of respecting. Im NOT kidding.

I dont think an EQUALITY was EVER possible with that guy. Married or NOT.

So drop from the pedestal...drop of the illusions, and DROP of the overwhelming exhausting work of trying to FILL IN THE BLANKS for an insatiable bottomless pit.

Thank you for responding RBM - its nice to hear your male perspective - as it can be so different from the way we as women think.

Happy New Year to you!!!! It looks like you've already got your MARTINI in hand!!!

xo,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Mon, 12-27-2010 - 2:12pm

(((BETTER)))))))

Well, thank you for coming out of the word work to respond!!!! :)

Its so nice to hear from you.

ohhhh i can sooo relate to your mother / father dynamic!!! My mom was also a narcissist.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 3:08pm

So many good posts in this thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 3:13pm

OH Dear GOD,

Please say we GET THERE. Please....

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 3:21pm
I don't believe we "get THERE" ... as it is a final destination we arrive at, because there are always new people that come into our lives - we always live with/in relationships to others ...

THERE WILL BE triggers we miss, red flags we couldn't see because they were new one's (as in they were different from what we had known before) ...

BUT we will have LEARNED how to: 1) avoid the red flags we know; 2) get out quicker when we missed them but then feel it in our gut that something ain't right; 3) shut the door faster and with greater certainty; 4) see more clearly the difference between "our" stuff and "other's Stuff" (and be unwilling to do the work on the other person's stuff); 5) we will heal faster; 6) we will hurt less; 7) We will take accountability; and we 8) will continue to grow and learn again ... pledging to ourselves to never ever put ourselves into that kind of harms way again!

THAT is good enough for me ... I am not aiming to "Be" perfect, just take better care of Myself and others ...from a place of wellness rather than unresolved hurts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Tue, 12-28-2010 - 4:52pm

Ya Know TU....

I TOTALLY get that.

And that sounds PERFECTLY acceptable to me!

I feel like it's a dance that's coming together...and with diligent choreography...will come together harmoniously.

Pressing On,

Michelle

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2009
Wed, 12-29-2010 - 5:38pm

Michelle-

I know you've gotten some recommendations, but I wanted to add one to the list. I got an amazing book for Christmas called 'His Princess: Love Letters From Your King'.