hurting for a couple weeks

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
hurting for a couple weeks
9
Sat, 07-24-2010 - 11:56pm

edited cause I'm on the wrong board... sorry everyone.

Thanks for the support. i did not realize how unbalanced this was as last R with a woman she was M also so we were each other's secondary Rs.



Edited 7/28/2010 12:21 pm ET by blue_belle44
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 8:46am

Hi Blue_belle,

I'd buy another hoodie. Glad you came back to the board for support. I would now focus on your M. Sorry for your pain, it hurts to be used, but going NC is the best way to heal.

Take care of you!

MO

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 1:30pm

.




Edited 7/28/2010 12:11 pm ET by blue_belle44
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 9:05pm

BB,


Big Hugs!


So sorry you are hurting.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 1:55am

.




Edited 7/28/2010 12:11 pm ET by blue_belle44
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 9:32am

Hi blue-belle :)


I'm a little bit confused.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 9:55am

Belle,
You were honest and upfront, as I remember, with your H and your GF - so kudos to you for not lying in order to get your cake. However, really, what you were asking of this girl was for her to volunteer to be second best for you. None involved may have realized this was the case in the beginning, but it seem that she's 'getting it' now. Really, if the shoe were on the other foot, would YOU want to be in her position? Is this scenario fair to her? I can't imagine that it is. Your H has agreed to be a cuckhold, and i also can't imagine that he's comfortable with that. But to just focus on the Xgf... you're hurt that she couldn't stay in this R and disappointed that you "put your heart out to her" and you were "sure of her", but you were asking and expecting from her was unfair and you were not really, truly looking out for her best interests, only your own. Expecting her to play second fiddle to your M and your H so that you could have your cake and eat it too? If you care(d) about her, be thankful that she's wised up and is doing the right thing for herself. Sure, you're hurting from the loss of the R and you will have a lot of deep thinking to do in order to figure out why you thought it was ok to take the road you did, in light of the fact that it's, ultimately, so selfish and destructive to all involved. Even though you were upfront with the situation, this is no different than any other A -- where we all wanted what we wanted and were able to convince ourselves that we were justified.

You're not going to find a success in any longterm and healthy relationship until you bring your best game to the table and begin to ask for a partner who does the same - not a partner who is willing to lower themselves to pander to your lesser-self.

I'm pulling for you!
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 10:33am

Excellent post!


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 12:06pm

.




Edited 7/28/2010 12:12 pm ET by blue_belle44
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 12:50pm

Eventhough you erased

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.