Hurting...and fed up...and lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Hurting...and fed up...and lost
6
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 8:38am

Hi all,


Quick history...in an EA/PA with someone for about 10 months. Both of us are married. I was here about a month ago, tried to end then, then we thought we could try to be friends after 2 weeks NC. Of course my expectations went right back to wanting more. He blew me off last night, after my weekend of buying new clothes and getting a manicure/pedicure because we were getting together. Carried my phone around all night waiting for his call. Being an idiot once again. I was so mad I came right home and closed my e-mail account we have shared since the beginning of this back in March. Wouldn't you know I opened it back up again this morning. He'll be all apologetic, making up some BS,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 9:45am

LFT,


<>


You had the right idea last night, so try to remember how disappointed and how angry

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 10:49am

I can feel your pain livefortoday.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 11:47am

Welcome back, livefortoday


You've been waffling back and forth about this for some time and because you've been here


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 2:48pm

You all are so right, and I thank everyone on this board for your help. I keep thinking I am the one with too many expectations. I start to get mad or determined, and then I remember that I can't have any expectations, and it's my own fault for having any at all. I start to second guess myself, that maybe I am over-reacting. Then I sit and wait and obsess until I can get another crumb thrown my way. It's crazy...I have always been bad about waiting and patience, so I was just chalk it up to my own faults and ways of thinking. He did write and apologize, I haven't responded, and don't plan to for at least several days, if at all. I panicked as soon as I closed that e-mail account. Craziness!

Anyway THANK YOU THANK YOU ALL - your responses are what keep me sane and level-headed.....much appreciated and welcome.


LFT

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 2:54pm

Thanks Energy -


You asked if my husband found out? Then would I go NC? I haven't even begun to address what would happen if he found out. That's a whole other thing. He would be completely out of control with anger. And he would make sure everyone suffered. And even that won't keep me out or away?? The more I write this the more I realize how right you are about the addiction part. He is just all I think about. Thanks......

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 2:57pm

Clarity-


I almost cried right here at my desk reading your reply. I am completely bankrupt of everything...you are right. I can't believe my waffling on this...it's insane. I don't even know my own self anymore or what I want. It's lost somewhere. Thanks again for everything.....I will keep re-reading your reply and the others. They are so helpful.