husband's birthday

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
husband's birthday
7
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 9:59am

Today is my H's 49th birthday. I'm throwing him a surprise party.

A year ago today, I spent H's birthday giving AP "the best blowjob EVAH" --- yeah, I know. So icked out about that that I still want to puke recalling it. I had so much resentment, misplaced anger and selfish, distorted sense of entitlement then that I was able to act like THAT. Even xAP said, when he discovered it was H's b-day, "Oh, man! that is f*cked UP!" Now, when even your AP thinks you're scum (hello? Pot?), it's gotten baaaaad.

That was then. This is NOW. Thank God. No, really... THANK GOD. If I were the same person today that I was then, I think I would slit my wrists. Although I'm wracked with guilt about what I did, today I am also _elated_ that I have a second chance, that redemption is possible, and that i still have my husband and family to celebrate with. In the midst of all this remorse and sadness, I have joy. Odd, but better than just having a pity/flagellation party. I'M FREE. I'M FREE - Thank God Almighty, I am FREE.

Better life ahead.
xoxoxo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2007
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 10:26am

Hi Dee,

Good to see you back posting sweetie! I get such a kick out of your posts. ;-)

Ya know, we all screwed up. And somewhere on that path to healing we can finally look at ourselves and be ok with our past transgressions. You have a great attitude. I love your "I'm Free" :-) You made me smile when I read that. That's such a liberating feeling isn't it.

Dee, I understand the guilt about your H's birthday. My H had a hip replacement. About 1 hour after he was out of surgery, I took off to get home as fast as I could. I had a phone call scheduled with xAP and then spent the entire evening writing him. xAP thought this would be a great time for us to chat without interfering with his schedule. Of course I had to do exactly as xAP wished, God forbid! Because of my hurry to get home, I missed my H's doctor visiting my H after the surgery. I should have been there to get all the after surgery care instructions. My H was too out of it to understand anything the doctor was telling him. As a result, H had to endure another surgery 8 weeks later for a problem that could have been prevented had I hung around and talked to the doc. Talk about guilt!

Dee, hope your hubby has a great birthday and it's a big surprise to him. You go girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 10:43am

Hi!

It's me Jodi_09, just taking up a new name to feel safe(r) and to reflect what the heck I am doing - Transcending "us".

Anyway, back to your post.

I laughed out loud - right from my belly!

I look back over my 2 year A and I have had similar moments of lowest of the loooooooowwwwws. His D was born on my H b-day, and he called to announce this to me from outside the delivery room! I spend my H's birthday hysterical.

And on their Anniversary he came to my house to redeem his - lets just say 'inadequate performance' from the night before (our first time having sex) ... because he had been too drunk to 'get the job done' right.

Shaking my head and LOL.

Love to you and your family today,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 10:51am

You are so blooming!

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 12:22pm

Hello T,


Your response reminded me that my XAP's son was also born on my H's birthday.

~Stargirl~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2010
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 5:33pm

Good for you Dee!! Enjoy your party and happy b-day to the hubby!

I completely forgot my husbands last b-day because I was so wrapped up in the affair. How sad is that??? I didn't realize it until I saw people wishing him a happy birthday on his Facebook. Ugh! But by God I remembered xAPs. He wouldn't let me forget it. Ugh! I -WAS- such a horrible person.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Fri, 04-16-2010 - 6:48pm

Cool, Dee.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Sat, 04-17-2010 - 2:23pm

Hi Dee- So glad to log in here today and find you feeling more hopeful. I too deal with a lot of guilt... and was really struggling with it around 3 weeks NC. Someone here posted this for me and I thought it might help you.


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When we let go of guilt, it’s not to say that we shouldn’t have regrets for our actions. This is very much where my emotions were confused. It is important for us to feel regret when we make poor decisions that result in hurt and pain in others (or ourselves). We have to acknowledge that if we are to learn and make changes in our lives. The difference between guilt and regret, is that regret provides room for understanding. When we let go of the anger that we direct at ourselves, regret provides us with the opportunity to change. This is similar, I think, to posts from others suggesting that we must accept our roles in an affair and our actions. This is critically important for personal growth, but it isn’t necessary to continue to be angry at ourselves. Letting go of that anger, forgiving ourselves, opens up a pathway to stronger relationships with others.


Think of it this way…

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/