I am ok, but have questions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
I am ok, but have questions.
11
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 8:00am

Hi all,

As I head into my 8th week of NC, I am surprised at how well I am doing. Over 10 weeks ago when xMM's W had second Dday, I was a mess. I lived in panic my H would find out, and thought I could not bear to be without xMM. The addiction was strong for me and I admit the ending was not pretty, nor what happened the first couple of weeks.

Once I decided to truly go NC and rid myself of all reminders, closed email accounts, blocked cell phone numbers, avoided a certain side of town....well, it was like xMM never existed. I have memories and thoughts pop up from time to time, but never like they did in the beginning. I don't miss the A. I don't really feel much about xMM now. When I think about xMM, it feels surreal, almost like it didn't happen. I know the A happened, but its like I'm reviewing an out of body experience, where you're watching it (okay, thinking about it), but you're really not sure you are a part of it. Does this MAKE SENSE to anyone????

Since the A ended, I have invested so much more time and effort into my M. I have made H my number one priority. I have also put more effort into my kids too. Since they are older, they don't need the day to day care as they once did when they were younger, but I am there for them more emotionally.

I have also stopped going to the T that gave me me a bad suggestion on how to handle the end of the A, so I have been pretty much muddling through on my own with the wonderful help of this board. Should I still look for a new T?

Since I have turned my life around, and looking at my glass of life as half full rather than half empty, I am happier for what I have and not what I lost or thought I might have in the future with xMM. With these changes in my attitude, life seems to be falling into place. I had a job interview yesterday, offered another part time job at the end of last week.

I am also no longer angry about my life and what it wasn't like. Funny, but I so much wanted to fit into my xMM's life (like a round peg fitting into a square hole) and when I finally accepted the fact that I need to focus on the life I have, a lot of the anger is gone. Questions for a T I guess, am I making peace with my life and moving forward with it or am I burying things deep because I can't or won't change them?

Anyway, just thought I'd post as to how I was handling things. Would love to hear from veterans if they experienced similar feelings on their journey OUT of the A. THANKS.

MO

MovingON

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Tue, 07-27-2010 - 5:16pm

Dee,

I can see your point and Mom's too. I think both of you have valid points for different reasons. T said xMM and his W should both be in counseling, and often wondered if agreed with me on giving the W the emails because she really wanted xMM found out, to suffer. She never said in any uncertain terms, but reflecting back on the few sessions we talked about this and after it was over, just had a hunch it was to make this guy really hurt. It was just a feeling I had. Either way, have not been back to T. I appreciate both points of view.

MO

MovingON

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