I am starting to feel better

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
I am starting to feel better
28
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:21pm
As I approach 4 months NC again, an amazing thing is *finally* happening.

I starting to not miss xAP so much. I have lamented long and loud in the past that I missed the friendship (10 years prior to the A). As I am sure some of you :) can attest and are probably sick of it!

It's starting to be OK. I can actually think about never seeing or talking to him again without feeling panic.

He doesn't deserve me as a friend truthfully, and I was the worst part of myself when engaging with him. I have trouble believing now that I felt that needy and neurotic (not to mention the guilt and shame). Gah, friendship doesn't make you feel like that.

He's not my friend anymore. That ended the day the A started.

He's not a bad guy. He was a very good friend for a long time.

And now it is done.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:25pm
And I might add, I never thought I would get here. And maybe I'll only be here for a day or two and then backslide a little.

But now I know that this *peace* is within my grasp and will fill in more and more moments of my days.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Rain
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:26pm
Rain!! So incredibly happy to hear you posting this...look how far you have come! :) :) :)

I'm sending you super mega ((((HUGS)))) tonight.
No more needy and neurotic behavior! ;) Just poise, dignity and strength!

Hearts <3

Hearts <3
Community Leader
Registered: 06-08-2010
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:26pm
Oops...not sure how my name got there twice...lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:43pm

Well, hallelujah...ParaaaAISE the Lord!


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 11:46pm
Ha ha Clarity, I almost put your name in there as to who was sick.of hearing about my "friendship".

Thanks Hearts, it feels good. Dare I say, *peaceful*. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2011
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 12:22am
Rain - i have often seen myself in your posts, about the solid friendship before the A. It's good to know you have moved to an accepting place ... even if it's just for a day or two ; )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2009
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 1:34am
hey rain!

Great post - i'm Coming up to 4 months soon too and feel the exact same way. Happiness feels so new to me, I nearly well over and cry with joy. Over 3 years since I felt this way.

I expected this week to Be a tough one with a big anniversary day for xAP and me, but instead I took my kid out and boy did we have a lovely evening together. I wouldn't say I totally forget the day but it just didn't matter. My kids we so excited to spend alone time with me and I spoilt them rotten!!! Brought those happy tears to my eyes.

I'm so pleased to hear of your progress, And it just show the newbies out there, that as little as 3 and a half months out things start looking better than they ever have.

You have put a an even bigger smile on my face Rain :-) thanks

WGO
Every recovery is a kind of rebirth
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2011
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 4:25am

Rain I am so happy for you. It is such a wonderful feeling when we suddenly realise that missing our xap's is not going to be a forever thing.

The good days will start to come more and more and it is such a relief because those good days help us get through the bad ones.

(((HUGS)))

RTMO

The core of who you are is not always obvious to everyone. But to believe what others may believe of you can cause you to deny yourself, the wonders, of who you really are.
Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 8:21am

I'm sure we have talked about "FRIENDSHIP", and there are many opinions.

I have had friends for forty years.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sat, 04-21-2012 - 9:04am
Sometimes time really is the best medicine. So glad to hear that you are starting to feel peace and acceptance. in my experience, those feelings will keep getting stronger with every month that passes as you spend more time valuing the real friends that you have now and less time missing what once was.

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