I am still in a tough spot

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
I am still in a tough spot
8
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 10:37am

I didn't want to hijack a thread so this is new.

In another thread I admitted breaking NC. And some of that posting is relayed below:

Other than going NC, what's your plan? I mean, 6 months out Rather ... What's going to be different for you this time? I'd say she's gotta go from your employment or you can never ever again have any contact with her - business or otherwise. No more calls at home.

Deep sigh. I am sad for you Rather and I feel your pain. For many of us it is our worst fear come true. So, I ask of you, what lessons can we learn from your mistake - other than there is NO being polite! You wouldn't be polite to a robber coming in your house to rob you - why would you be polite and welcome back into your life someone who is going to rob your present and your future?

Terminating her employment would be easy. Facing the aftermath would be a bi*ch. There are many things to consider before doing such a harsh thing.

1. The legal responsibilities of a sexual harassment suit would kill me financially and litterly destroy me, in more ways than one.

2. It could certainly cause a unneeded DDay for me.

3. She is a SW and taking away her income seems to me, to be an immoral situation, and I should at least be able to reestablish the NC situation of the last six months if need be. Two wrongs.........etc.

Agreed we were both responsible for this by not setting our boundaries, but there should be a better way to work out a problem than just getting rid of her.

Firing her would only bring problems to everyone involved whereas, going into a holding pattern seems to be a better decision. Better I think, to wait out my own indecision and try to come to an answer in other ways that is more amicable.

I was do OK before, and I have stumbled. What the future brings will interesting, I am

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 11:45am

hey Rather,

Thanks for posting a reply: I just want to clarify, that I DO NOT think she should be fired for both of your inabilities to respect boundaries, one another, or your families. No way. I stepped away from work because of my xAP and the hit financially has been very difficult (although worth it).

When you have had difficulty in the past it was due to having to be in contact for her when she called you (at home) on work related issues. Again, this time, the work related issues were what got you messed-up. These two occassions sent you into a tailspin. Rather, I think you know you aren't in a place to relate with her directly in regards to any work related concerns. So, is there someone, anyone who can step into this role for you? What other ways can she get her answers met without having to talk to you? What boundaries are you putting in place?

TU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 12:38pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 10-18-2010 - 1:04pm

Rather,

You said you're in a fragile state and will monitor the board but not post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Tue, 08-02-2011 - 11:40pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2011
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 12:49am
I am so incredibly sorry that this is happening in your life at this time.

~progression

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 2:24am

Sounds like you are trying to do “damage control.”

I have to ask:

How much “damage” will this do to you mentally and physically…

And isn’t the idea of “control” in this situation really an illusion.

I hope you will seek professional help on this one.

E1

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 11:03pm

Wow, some of these posts do stay around for a long time, and are dredged up.

That was posted a couple of NC's ago.

She was fired in December of that year.

We broke NC in December 2010, January and February of 2011

Since February 24th I have been NC.

I am thinking I am pretty safe.

We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Wed, 08-03-2011 - 11:16pm
LOL, sorry about that RBM, looks like I accidentally bumped that up in one of my late night jaunts through the archives. Damn phone is trigger happy and posts instead of going back sometimes :)