I am very nervous - help
Find a Conversation
I am very nervous - help
| Fri, 10-22-2004 - 10:34am |
I have been pretty good the last couple of days. I have written down my thoughts and made myself feel better. I have two thoughts which I know doesn't matter anymore. My xmm and I didn't come out and say we are over but I said I can't do it anymore and we need to be with our spouses and that He has told me that he couldn't leave her right now which is all we had been talking about for the last couple of months we were toghter. I promised I would leave if he did it first. Well, when I said that we need to be with our spouses I admitted that I had never really put much thought into leaving my husband and I just didn't think it would get to that point. Also he asked if he could still call me and I said no. Well, I know if he said that to me I would be mad, I guess. I think we all say things when we are wrapped up in all this. Well, we were talking and he said lets talk some more the next day. remember we didn't say goodbye yet- he didn't call all day so I called him. He was a jerk and said he was going to let me be with my husband bc thats what he understood yesterday when we talked. Then he proceeded to tell me that I know where he stands and he can't leave her now and I am beating him up for it. That made me mad bc just the day before he said I have put no pressure on him and it was hard for both of us. I told him that lets not talk ever again. Well, a week went by and I called him. He was actually very nice and kept trying to talk to me. I called to tell him I wanted no hard feelings and for him to not hate me. He said he could never hate me - he was thinking about me all weekend. I did not say it back and said he was pretty mad last time we talked and he said yes, I know and blamed it on work pressure. I got off the phone with him (probably the first time in 9 months- he always has to be the one to get off first) ego thing. I said take care and I will see you around. Good bye and and hung us. Well, three days later I called and he was cold to me. He asked what I needed to talk to him about and said he would call me back. 4 weeks today. My question is - have I done good by not calling him all this time? I could have called back - we didn't end things on a bad note but he was cold when I called the last time.
I am very nervous now bc I am going to see him tommorrow. There is a work function for the families where my husband works. My husband and him work together and I am supposely friends with his wife. Should I feel like a fool when I see him bc he didn't want to talk to me and how should I act? Please help
I am very nervous now bc I am going to see him tommorrow. There is a work function for the families where my husband works. My husband and him work together and I am supposely friends with his wife. Should I feel like a fool when I see him bc he didn't want to talk to me and how should I act? Please help

Well, it's unfortunate that you have to see him tomorrow. Are you sure that there's no way out of it? Be honest... don't use this as an excuse to see him.
And feel however you feel. We all say and do things when ending an A that we're not too proud of later on. There's nothing foolish in being honest. However, if I were you and I absolutely had to go to tomorrow's event, I would be as distant as possible and act with dignity. Something I've learned the hard way in life: "act as if." "Act as if" you're so completely over the A and you could care less that he's anywhere near by. "Act as if" you're really in love with your H, and he's the only man for you. Even if you risk looking the snob or unfriendly.
It's great that you haven't contacted him since that last phone call. Draw your dignity and energy from that. Remember that you can't control your thoughts, but you CAN control your actions. Dig your heels in, feel proud of your newfound commitment to your marriage and rebuilding, and just don't let him jerk you around. Best of luck, honey. You can do it! Love, Mo.