I am w/Sinking very very HARD day
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| Wed, 01-06-2010 - 1:16pm |
Must be something in the air....or pehaps it is the 3 pregnant women I saw today....or perhaps it is because today is his B-day...I did not even know it until I had to sign a document in court today. As a wrote the date down..I was like, this date is familiar.....and then it hit me and I realize its his birthday. And then the opposing counsel is pregnant....the judge is pregnant...I am like WTF? is it in the courthouse water?
Anyway, I am just feeling super low today...thoughts of him etc....I was doing so well and have been, but something today is just bringing me all the way down....almost broke cyber contact...but i followed my plan and it worked...so you all will tell me that is good...and it is. I am thankful. I seriously ever doubt that I would break any contact as far as, calls, emails, and txts, and I know cyber contact is still breaking contact also.
I am just hurting today...bad.
I had a friend tell me something and relieved the pain for a little while. She said so what if he left his wife and you had the baby and you were together...all your "dreams" came true...she then painted this picture.
He could only afford to move in with you...
You would have to deal with 4 kids in your home with your two and one on the way!!
You would have to deal with W (even if she ever is an ex) she will remain in life on a regular
You would carry his debt and he couldnt afford to pay bills with you or contribute after, child support, alimony, etc..
He would be cheating on you in all likelihood
So what would you be happy with? what would you be getting? would you be happy?
You'd be stuck at home with a newborn baby and a man who would still be in the streets...
You would be stressed....etc...
Her picture was accurate and it bad me feel better for about a half hour....now I am just hurting.
Wondering about all the decisions I made...trying to regret regarding P and yes I have consulted with a T.
I been doing so well....While I do not feel like I am going backwards. I am overhwhelmed with hurt...lots of hurt. Trying to separate and figure out if it is him or the P or both or what....
I am struggling...Please help

Sienna -
((((HUGS))))) There's no magical phrase I can type that will relieve your pain, but I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking of you.
Sieanna, don't think I've ever "spoken" to you, but I've read your story. My heart breaks for you. You've been so strong for others so now I feel compelled to just send you a (((BIG HUG)))
Sounds like you have a good friend who is a GREAT artist ;)
I know it's HARD, but just remember the ending is a process WROUGHT with 1 step forward, 2 steps back, and those NASTY triggers that bite us in the butt!!
You've done so well...I admire you :) Do what you need to do to get through today...find some sort of distraction to take your mind off of it. If I've learned anything in the last few wks (My A ended first wk of Nov.) it's that those CRUSHING feelings do go away. Ride it out...we're all here with you :) (((HUGS)))
SJ,
Your resolve to maintain NC tells me you're hanging in there, even though you are hurting so much today.
Gal, Hard Habit, CSN,
thanks for your support and encouragment. i knew there would be days like this. i just feel so cheated...made everything so easy for him. I know I shouldnt free cheated. He freed me, I freed myself. She is stuck with him and him, her. I am free. I can live. Healthy. I do not have to worry and stress about him/where what he is doing no more, the lies....oh the lies, they burn so bad. so very bad. I seem them more and more...I happen to keep recalling the one he told before I knew he was married. Those keep creeping up. The times when I thought he was honest. The times I thought he was PURE and that I was in a real relationship....
I was so in shock when I found out he was married....found out he was hiding a baby....a newborn baby. W was pregnant when I met him.....all the F'in lies.....oh they burn...
but again thanks...I am not going to break NC. I got out. They are still stuck to their dysfunction. I am free....just gotta get him out of my system and I will
Hopefully today gets better....thanks to all of you
Just a real struggle...
I'm sorry that you are hurting. You did right by posting on here and not contacting him. It seems like we're both been a month into NC but it still hurts. Wish I could offer some advice... or a real hug. But I'll give you a cyber hug
Hang in there...it will get better!
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N