i asked...i got

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
i asked...i got
5
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 2:52pm
i caved in this morning. we talked on msn.

i asked him to be honest and to tell me if he had feelings for me other than as friends. his reply was: honestly no. he went on to say how he told me from the begining he did not want me to get the wrong impression and that he didnt want to lead me wrong in any way.

then i asked him if making love with me meant anything. and he told me he didnt want to be a jerk or make me feel bad but that it had been completly unplanned and that it had started out as kidding around.

he mentioned what had happened between us was a mistake.

i of course cried and cried as i read that. making love to him was special to me and he knew i had not been with anyone else but my husband.

after i finished crying i sent him an im to his phone which read:

i dont think it happens without planning or by mistake when you F--- someone 4 times and swallow 6 times. thanks for the kind words.

i guess after hearing i didnt mean anything to him there is really not much more to say.

thanks for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 3:12pm
Upsidedown,

Use this experience to give you the fuel to move on in your life. I did cave also at the start of NC to tell MM happy B-day just to get a note back to say im fine hope your well bye. I guess I was hoping for more but hearing that was all he had to

say let me know he had moved on. We are here to support you! Be strong you can do this!

Lost

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 3:50pm
(((UPSIDEDOWN))))

Sending you a bear hug!

Ok, it's time now, Upside! You know what you've got to do. He's told you in NO uncertain terms that he isn't offering you anything. When there is nothing for you to gain, you have to walk away. Pick yourself up and dust off. It will be hard, but there is something much better waiting for you after you get past the pain of getting over him...it's YOUR LIFE! Real life. It may not be as exciting as the affair, but it is REAL and it can be as wonderful or terrible as you make it.

First, concentrate on healing yourself and making it through the rest of the week. This board can be your lifeline! Post, email, do whatever it takes not to focus on him. Try to find at least 1 thing that makes you happy every day...your kids, old friends, etc. and reach out. Take care of yourself and put yourself first.

I know this sucks. You have to walk away from him, and don't be afraid to "get sick" for the shower or his wedding. Your emotional well-being is worth way more than saving face.

We're here for you!

Love,

Lily
Love, Lily PG with #1 EDD 11/23 baby
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 10-14-2004 - 9:18pm
Upsidedown4him

It's time to decide, do you want to heal, do you want to heal your family because they have been hurt by this even if they don't know about the affair around they have been deprived of your love and emotional attention for far to long.

End this phony relationship and start to rebuild the real one you have with your husband and children they deserve better then this and so do you.

Like it or not you mean little to this person, be glad your not the one getting a ring from him, because he was cheating on her while vowing her his eternal love, he would be doing the same to you because that is who he is, the real him.She will never be able to trust him.

Choose for your family Choose for yourself, leave this black period of your life behind you forever.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 9:25am
thanks for all your replys.

i am still in a lot of pain today. i did think of him as a friend and i didnt think he would say those things to me even if he didnt feel anything. how can you tell someone making love did not mean anything?

i want this all to be over. i want him to get married. ill go to the wedding and then thats it...move on and hopefully never have to see him again.

he really hurt me with his words more than anyone ones. but i keep hearing them inside my head and i realize i need to move on.

he made me feel like a fool for what i did and the part i gave to him. i would have done anything for him. i really cared about him as a friend. but i know he was not my friend. i guess i was entertainment.

thanks for listening.

upsidedown

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 10-15-2004 - 6:54pm
USDFH

Hon there is a big difference between having SEX and making Love, for you maybe it was love but that is were it ended.

You will make it, if you have decided to get your real life back you will.

Free