I believe in my heart it's over
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I believe in my heart it's over
| Sun, 05-30-2004 - 11:01pm |
Yes it may in the long run be a happy thing but right now I am so sad. I had no choice but to end an affair with the MM I have been seeing at work. After I was stood up friday night by him I said this is it for me. He manipulated a young and beautiful girl and it hurt me so bad. This is not the first time he has done this to me and it is very hard to walk away from him for some reason. I never told him that I don't want to do this anymore, I just assumed because I felt like he did not want to be bothered with me and I have been nothing but nice and caring to this MM, During his crisis with his sick mother I was there for him and wiped away his tears, But any time that I displayed my emotions for him or anything for that matter he acts like he doesn't care and maybe he doesn't. It's hard and already I am regressing because I paged him at work and asked him to come up yesterday so I can talk to him about "US" and he kind of hesitated like he did not want to and that was indication enough for me that he does not want to be bothered anyway but he came up to my floor anyhow. I asked why he did not atleast call to tell me that he was not coming and he made this comment "OH SO YOU DON"T LIKE TO BE LIED TO EITHER HUH" I said what have I lied to you about other than my age which I told him about way B4 all of this, He said "OH YOU DON"T KNOW, THEN I DON"T KNOW EITHER". I said all I ever lied to you about was the age difference and he kept going on and on about his feelings and how that made him feel totally blocking out about what happened friday. I just can't deal with this anymore, No matter how much I cry on his shoulder and explain my hurt and agony about how he makes me feel at times I feel like he still does not comprehend, So I have to be strong and tell myself to get a single man minus the mood swings. He is so confusing to me, At times he makes me feel so good that I am happy to even go to work because I would look forward to seeing him, But now I feel like crap and I am tired of feeling like crap more less I feel abused by him. All the time he tells me that he is confused about his wife but clearly had no intenetions of leaving his wife and explained to me how much he liked me and how it hurt him when I lied about my age (22-32) 10 year difference (I am 22). He gave me this song and dance about if he did not feel for me he would not be upset, After all this and not to mention his wife has called me he told me yesterday that he still wants to see me but I guess I am going to have to go with the flow and deal with his BS...PLEASE I WONT DO THAT!!!!!!! I just can't and I am trying to leave him alone but I can't because I am so damn weak. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Why do men play these games with women? Why do men have so many mood swings?? My MM had so many I thought he had PMS. Thank you to all the people who gave me advice on the all sides of the affair board because you have brought me to this descision which will soon enough be a good thing but I have to be the stronger one and walk away w/o regressing. Please any advice is greatly appreciated.
Christina
Christina

Believe me, if I were single, I would waste no time in seeking a new lover who was truly available to me. Unfortunately I'm married and must turn back to my marriage and all the problems that were there before I got involved with my MM. It may seem easier to end an a with a mm if you have a m to fall back on, but I want you to understand how many possibilities there are for you being single and young.