I broke NC ..he ended everything..HURTS
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I broke NC ..he ended everything..HURTS
| Mon, 03-08-2010 - 9:04pm |
May be some of you remember me ... I just posted days ago... i started NC 3 weeks ago.. everything was great ...he was even convinced and so nice to me .... till few days ago I felt an incredible urge to go and see him ... we both cried for so long ... we were both convinced that we should end it ... but he told me in the heat of all these emotions ; is there a way to make it work ... I didnt reply ... going home, he sent me an incredible full of love mail ,,, yet not asking to get back to the story but only expressing his love feelings... I felt so weak .. and I sent him yesterday asking him ; why dont we make it work .. he answered ; let's think for the week... I felt bad and called him asking that I cannot wait suffering for a whole week ... lets decide today so he sent me deciding ts over .... NOW i feel awful... i feel so cheap .. I wish i had kept NC .. i wish I had kept the nice ending .. this ending looks like a struggle .. I called and texted 6 or 7 times ... I felt so angry .. so mad and so worthless...
I know I was wrong ... but the pain is awful this time ... I would advise any woman here who is still struggling to end it herself... it's a much more dignified pain ... ts a different kind ... you are sad yet strong ...
I blocked everything ... too late... I am so sure he will never send me again ... he is so determined ..
i really wish I listened to you the first time I came here ...
It hurts double .. triple .... to be left out ....
I know I was wrong ... but the pain is awful this time ... I would advise any woman here who is still struggling to end it herself... it's a much more dignified pain ... ts a different kind ... you are sad yet strong ...
I blocked everything ... too late... I am so sure he will never send me again ... he is so determined ..
i really wish I listened to you the first time I came here ...
It hurts double .. triple .... to be left out ....

((Amy))
I do not know your story, but I am so sorry :(
It is so hard when A's end badly.
Dear Amy,
I can feel your pain across the space the separates us: you are not alone. And you feel like the pain is stronger than you are, but not so. I know the indignity of not being the one who ends it ... I have been there before. I think you have given such good insight into the horrific pain that comes when we give-up the opportunity (and yes I mean opportunity) to be the one to say "not good enough for me". I hope that other readers/posters learn from your terrible pain: end it, end it now before the decision is taken out of your hands. It will be a long time before 'you'(and by you I mean 'us') will ever forgive yourself for not doing so. I have worked with probably 1000+ women who have been in abusive relationships - they never regretted leaving, only that they didn't do so sooner.
my heart goes out to you,
j.
<<>>
Amy,
How you're feeling is normal, and no, it doesn't feel like it will ever get better. If you can think clearly about what you are feeling now, you will realize that you are the only one that feels that way. Xap doesn't see it the same way, and even if he does, it doesn't matter. Why would it matter? You're not going to continue the relationship, so nothing lost.
You were trigger happy and made a mistake, but it's not the end of the world, and in fact, maybe it was a good mistake, as now you can see what happens when you break NC, and the pain it causes. Xap didn't cause you the pain, you did! He's protecting himself from whatever he considers pain in the situation, and that's what you have to do. The decision is yours and only yours. Pain or NO PAIN? Make the right decision and stick to it!
Hugs and be good to yourself!
Mish
maybe the romantic ending was too much for me .. it needed to be stronger .. I dunno! Sometimes I wish he will send me and will not get a reply from me ... just to get some dignity back! I am sooo ashamed of myself .. I wish I have listened to all advices here ,, it would have made a big difference!
I wonder if you are all here the ones who started NC or anyone in my place?? its really a whole different kind of pain.. shameful pain! ughhhhh .. I dont wish this for anyone .... Hope you all keep your heads high,,
When my A ended XAP's W called me and told me off, it was the most humiliating experience of my life. You want to talk about feeling ashamed and like a roach. I felt so bad. She was dignified but told me how trashy I was for sleeping with a MM.
Amy,
((((((HUGS)))))
In my situation, he was the one that ended the A. I was the fisher, the temptress, the one always breaking NC. The one always trying to get him to give in.
I have broken NC more times than I can count. In the beginning, yes, he would give in. But the later times, he actually told me to leave him alone. I was humiliated. I felt used, rejected, embarrassed. I wanted to crawl in a deep dark hold, shrivel up, and die.
But you know what? I didn't! I am still very new to all this. But, I am now actually being very successful at NC, and every day that I stick to NC I regain just a bit of my strength and dignity back. The fog and drama and craziness is lifting just a bit. I can breathe.
Trust me, I know what you are feeling. Girl, I was there. Someone on this board has a quote at the bottom of their posts that says silence is dignified and that silence speaks volumes! I keep thinking about that. Every day that I don't break NC, I am sending him a message that says "I am worth more."
Go to the healing library, and read "The Zen of Doing Nothing." Reading that over and over got me through some hard days. If you need to talk, you can email me at hazelrose2010@yahoo.com
Keep posting here. If you feel yourself getting weak, come here and post.
Sending lots of support your way- it's gonna be okay!! I promise.
Hazel
I got to say that I only wish he will send me once and I wont reply.. to get very little of my dignity back!
I dont feel weak at all ...nor wanting him back .. this rejection made me so mad .. The only feeling I have is shame and regret ...