I broke NC today after 3 wks...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
I broke NC today after 3 wks...
3
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 8:33pm

Hey everyone.

Well, I called him and left a message. I really think I needed to do this. I think it's kind of a closure for me. We ended it as friends and on good terms exactly 3 wks ago... I think in order for me to get him out of my thoughts I needed to talk to him, to just say Hi and see how his holidays were... I miss the easy friendship we had. I'm OK that the sexual part of the relationship is over (because he can't deal with the guilt he has where his 4 yr old daughter is concerned & his wife keeps saying that she knows he has a girlfriend which scared him big time). I understand why we can't see each other any more and I accept that but his friendship means so much to me. He's helped me and has been so supportive of me (losing weight and improving ME). I really miss that.

My biggest fear is that he wouldn't call me back, that he would just blow me off or that he never cared enough about me to return my call. Well, he did return my call and I couldn't answer it (home with husband)... but he did leave me a VM and he sounded good and wasn't annoyed that I called him. In fact he sounded upbeat. He said he'd call me Friday and I have to be honest, I'm really looking forward to actually talking to him. Talking. That's it. I'm seriously working to 'fix' my marriage and we've been doing really well over the last 3 wks and I intend to keep at it... Am I a horrible person for wanting to still be friends with xMM? I just really miss the friendship part of the relationship. I can't figure out why... My husband is also very supportive of me so I don't know why I still have this need to talk to xMM.

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 9:11pm

Kats

" Am I a horrible person for wanting to still be friends with xMM? I just really miss the friendship part of the relationship. I can't figure out why... My husband is also very supportive of me "

If it was your husband who cheated and wanted to keep a FRIENDSHIP with his OW what would you think of that would you be ok with it, if not what should you do ?

I think the reality of this is that you have not really ended the affair just changed it to an EA at the OM insistence and in time if you continue to have contact with him it will be a PA again in time until your both end up divorced and your children come from broken homes.

This FRIENDSHIP stuff is a load of B/S it's just a way of keeping the affair going in a toned down sort of way.

If you want your marriage to survive then go TOTAL NO CONTACT and get into individual counceling to find out way your willing to flush your family for this man, the clocks ticking on the affair bomb are you going to defuse it before it goes off and destroys everyone you care about.

Cut bait or fish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2004
Thu, 01-06-2005 - 11:01pm

MeFree -- I read Kat's post three times because I couldn't believe what I was reading. Either it was a really bad joke or she had gone over the edge. Then I read your post -- and I burst out laughing. (Sorry, Kats, but if you wake up tomorrow morning and STILL don't under what is the matter with your thinking -- you're in for A LOT more hurt.) Free, if you're not a therapist -- you need to become one SOON. I love your posts/advice.

Bella

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2004
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 2:58pm
Kat's I'm sorry but i also agree with bella and mefree, honey you have a supportive husband, do you know how many of us would love to say that. You cannot stay friends with someone you were so close to and have sex it just dodes'nt work. If you love your husband and he is good to you find a way to make him your friend. He's the one who needs to be your best friend. You need to say good-bye to this om and if need to go to counseling and find out what drives you to want to stay in contact with om. I would give my left arm to have a loving supportive husband, you are one of the lucky ones. please don't take any of the words from who has responded to you harshly and I certainly don't wany your feelings hurt and not post any more, we are all here to support each other and we all do some things that we should be knocked upside the head for. concentrate on your husband hon and let the other m go NO CONTACT!!!!
You could end up loosing a loving husband and not have om either. good luck and hugs to you and please don't be afaid to post again, I will be happy to talk to you even tho I'm having a hard time my self..... my situation is different.
kat