I broke "near" NC - well NS anyhow

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
I broke "near" NC - well NS anyhow
2
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 11:56am
It isnt possible for me to be totally NC with the OMM...so I have been going for NS - no sex, and limiting my contact with him to when only necessary due to dissolving our business relationship etc.

But today, this morning, 2hours ago I broke NS... and I feel like crap! I don't know what I was thinking.. I even said he had to use a condom ( which he didnt..HELLO???!!!!Where was MY HEAD!!!!!)and he put up a huge fuss and when I got out of the bed, the grabbed me, pulled me back to bed and basically had this weird, disgusting, unpleasant sex ( for me - not him I am sure...) When I got out of bed I ran to the shower and I cried until I had no more tears. By the time I got out of the shower, my skin had been scrubbed raw.. He was sitting in the office, finishing up somethings and heading out to our storage unit to move things and get one of the units closed up. When he left, I looked in his computer (again) = and there it was.. the lies all over again. He swore on a bible that he had not been with anyone else for over a year. A YEAR!!! IS this man insane?? He is a sociopathic liar - he would not know the truth if it hit him in the face... and I BROKE NS!!!! What have I done????

I have another HIV test scheduled for Thursday. ( Getting one a month for awhile.)He really thinks - oh HELL - why should I give a rat's behind what he thinks??? I just want him GONE GONE GONE.

I wrote him a letter outlining exactly what was going to happen these last 45 days - and it clearly said NO SEX - EVER but I thought better of that - should he decide to run to hubby or leave it around for him to find... and I will have to TELL it to his face TODAY when he gets back from the storage unit.

The scariest thing he said to me in the throes of "passion" ( yea right) was that if I didnt give it up today he was just going to *take it* since he knew I was just teasing him.

And the weird thing... is I caught myself on a couple of occasions, falling back into old patterns with him - laughing, teasing, etc... It is just too hard with him being here...I want him GONE.

F4L

Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 2:17pm
I really feel for you. Just remember that HIV can take 6 months to show on a test, so maybe monthly testing and´putting yourself through hell each month isn't worth it. Wait till the 6 months has passed and then do it for you.

I know others wil agree that this sounds like a rape case. I mean you were willing to a point, then he 'took' whatever he wanted. I think you shouldn't be seeing this guy anymore, at the very least since you work together, don't get into a situation where he can sexually be near you, and just wean yourself from him.

good luck and hang in there.

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 01-14-2004 - 9:20pm
You know Fool enough is enough already. Get the bastard out of your house already!!! And have some respect for yourself and stop screwing a pig. What he did could be considered rape. You're writing him a letter???? Dissolve your business and throw him out of your house.

Jazzdiva