I BUSTED HIS PATHETIC BUTT !!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
I BUSTED HIS PATHETIC BUTT !!!!!
1
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 5:09am
This is how my story goes. xMM and I was aware of each for about 4 years. At the time I was still married and never "looked" at him with affection or anything, but just admiring. He on the other hand was very attracted to me, and whenever he saw me, his heart would skip a beat and he would go weak in the knees. A year ago I got divorced, and I think he somehow knew this. He then started investigating me and traced me. When he had all my details, he then called me one day claiming to be my secret admirer. Well, the rest is history. We became lovers, and he became my world - and I his. Although he never said that he was in an unhappy marriage, he said that he and his W is like best friends - that he can't give her the love that he has for me. He made promises of ending his M, and said that within six months, we would be building our life together - that very soon he will place that ring on my finger. Seven months later, and no signs of him leaving his W. I started to put pressure on him and referred to his promises. He wanted to leave, but doesn't know how he could without hurting his kids - said he can't put his kids through that trauma. And in the same breath, he can't give me up, and don't ever want to loose me. Begged me to never leave me. I wasn't happy with that, and gave him an ultimatum, but it didn't work, because again he begged me not to give up on "us".

During all this time, his W received numerous phone calls and anonymous letters from his friends, and her family (I suspect)telling her about his A. He always seemed to talk his way out of it and she always believed him, even when she found a receipt of flowers that he sent to me, and when she went through his cellphone and home phone billing and saw my number appeared about 50 times. A month ago, she received a call from a man saying that he knows about her H's affair with this OW (me), and even gave the W my name and cellphone number. She immediately phoned me and asked me to confirm her suspicions, which I said that she should first speak to her H. She then asked me for a yes/no - I said YES.

This is when everything changed, because he couldn't lie or cover up on my confirmation. But, the coward that he is, then changed the whole A around and told W that I was the one pursuing him - that he was the victim! He even went as far as encouraging her to lay a charge against me for harrassment - which she did immediately. When I received a call from the police inspector to inform me of this charge, I went ballistic. I prepared my statement with evidence (printed copies) of all his correspondence (email and sms) to me since day 1 and took it to the police inspector to state my side of the story. I also went to the W's house and hand delivered printed copies of all xMM's email and sms' - to proof to her that he is a liar and a cheater, and that I was not the first OW. In his own words (via email) he mentioned several OW, even one that had his child. The poor W didn't know any of this.

They had egg all over their face, when the prosecutor rejected their case against me, and said that there are no grounds for a case - that the only person to blame is the H as he caused all this - that the court is not there to resolve personal marital problems, as that is their problem. When I heard that, for me that's justice served!

Sadly, to say, dear W is still in denial and they are still together. Well, they deserve each other, as no intelligent woman would allow a man to BS them like he does!

Today I walk with my head up high, and even saw him this weekend in the mall with his daughter, and he had this sad puppy look on his face,and I gave him the meanest look and walked on, but he made a u-turn, and went up the escalator to get a longer look at me from behind.

I wait for the day when he will approach or make contact with me again (and he will). Then I will get a restraining order against him and send it to his W with a note to tell her to keep him away from me!

I can honestly say, that if this hadn't happen, then I would probably still be unhappy, lonely, sad and miserable in a never-ending, and unfulfilled A.

I am moving on (few steps at a time), but soon I will run. At least, I am now free to find true happiness and where is he? - still stuck in a pathetic M. I'm sure that as soon as the dust settles on the homefront, he will be out on the prowl again.

Next time, I get a call from a secret admirer, I'll put the phone down

Hugs and take care!

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-15-2003 - 10:53am
Not a fun situation to be in. I'm sure you are now feeling that horrible torn feeling between being angry with him for weaseling his way out of what happened between the two of you to hoping he will be miserable now that he's caught to that old sick side of us that wishes the marriage wouldn't work because there are still deep feelings for these men. So I thought about what it was that I could give you this morning and it comes from an episode of Dr. Phil I watched this week. He said you need to write and post this and read it every day (and by the way, this was for a woman on his show who had a DH who had repeatedly cheated on her until she finally kicked him to the curb)...."I would rather live a healthy life alone than live with someone who is sick." The absolutely most difficult thing for me to come to terms with in my own affair was that the MM in my life was a very troubled man and he was dragging me down with him. Your MM, just like mine needs help. I guess for me, coming to that realization though really helped me to move on and truly begin to live my own life again. The pain and heartache is just not worth it. Also, we need to be willing to take a long, hard look in the mirror to begin to understand how we would let ourselves get involved with someone under these circumstances and work at changing us. At least for me, I don't ever want to put the love in my heart for someone above my better judgement ever again. I've found doing that is pretty pathetic too.

I am hoping once you get beyond the initial shock of what has happened, you will be able to get through the anger and find a way of forgiving yourself and him. Believe me, it's the best way to move on.

Hugs to you.

GT