I can see hope again

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
I can see hope again
9
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 3:18pm

Hi everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 3:29pm

Just thinking a bit more...I think I'm being a bit of a baby about ending this. I think I am hoping he'll "get the message" by my silence. That way I avoid confrontation, something I have always done at all cost.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 3:40pm

Lulu -

I'm glad you posted again, because I was just about to reply. The fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter how you end it. Just end it. You can try ignoring him and see if you can handle that. I tried that first, but after a week of relentless, mean, scary messages, I said the words "don't contact me".

Do you want the door left open? Hopefully not. You said in your first post that this is about you and you have minimal feelings for him. No better time than the present to decide you are done!

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 3:52pm

No, I don't want the door left open. I know I'm dithering about it. I don't think he's stupid and he will "get the message", but it's my resolve that's at stake - one weak moment and because it hasn't officially ended I could go crying back. I feel strong enough NOW, but who knows in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 4:02pm

Well someone here said silence speaks volumes and I have to agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 4:03pm

Helping you stay strong is what EAS is for :) Even if you tell him to leave you alone forever, it doesn't mean he will. And it won't strengthen your resolve to stick to it. You can't "wait" to be strong enough to do this. You have to do it and the strength will come. Trust me :)

(((hugs))))

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2010
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 4:34pm

You are helping me so much with this, I can't tell you what it means to me. :smileyhappy:

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 9:43pm

HI Lulu,

Only you know for sure if you are ready to cut off contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2010
Mon, 12-20-2010 - 9:49pm
Hi Lulu,
We have a lot in common, I will send you a private message.
MC
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2010
Tue, 12-21-2010 - 6:32am

Misslulu,

What kind of "mistake" do you think you might be making if you ended it? There's no mistake in ending the dishonesty, deceit, lies and cheating. There's no mistake in wanting to gain your true honest self back. No, lulu, you aren't making a mistake. Getting involved in the A was the mistake--one all of us have made.

Congratulations on your decision. You say your feelings for this man are minimal, but I can assure you that you are going to go through a roller coaster of emotions and pain as this ending takes hold. I didn't think I was deeply involved emotionally with my xAP either. Turned out I was very wrong.

Welcome to EAS.

~alwayst2

Oct. 12, 2010 -- began my personal search and rescue mission.