I can't believe I've done it
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| Fri, 11-19-2004 - 11:53am |
Everyone knows my story here. It has been really hard for me the last 8 weeks. I can't believe I've gone 8 weeks with NC. It has been a struggle. I have gone through the rejection stage (stayed there awhile) and the depressed nonstop crying phase and now I have come to terms that this is how it should be. Well, I have finally made it through a full week without crying or getting upset about him. I think this is a breakthrough. Sure, I still think about him but that's all I do and then I start thinking about something else. The holidays are coming up and my daughter's bday so I have been preoccupied with those things. It is true that if you have alot going on and you are busy that you do find yourself not thinking about them as much. It's a great feeling. My husband told me out of the blue last night that he saw XMM(they work together and my H does not know)yesterday. He said that he looked very thin - sickly thin and very scruffy. I know he is going though alot right now with unexpected #4 coming their way. I know that in a way they have to be suffering too. You can't have a relationship with someone for 9 months and be over it so quickly. They suffer in different ways. (for instance, staying busy or working).
Hang in there if you are having problems with NC bc trust me one day you will wake up and be tired of feeling depressed and realize that you can't change the past and there is no reason to cry about the past but you can change the present and the future. Just look at my past posts. I was emotional basketcase for so long. I felt rejected, used and most of all hurt. I now know that what my XMM and I shared was not the love that makes a long marriage. We said we loved each other but I think we loved being together and talking to each other and we loved the attention we gave each other. We fed off of that. When things started to go bad and I started to get insecure about how he was not calling me as much as he was before when I tried to break it off with him before Labor Day, I now realize that I was not getting the attention and needs that I was getting before. He used to call me 4 or 5 times a day to tell me he missed me or was thinking about me. How can you not eat that up. It totally boosted my ego up. His job got really stressful and very busy and it was not the same anymore. (my h works there to and I would hear it from him too)I became confused and upset and broke it off bc I wasn't happy with how things were going. If he would have kept up all the phone calls like before I broke it off - I would probably still be in this mess. Someone once said that your intuition and body tells you when sonething isn't right and mine was telling me that. I didn't want out but knew it was not fulfilling me as much as I wanted it to. We weren't seeing each other and talking as much before his job got really busy so I feel both of us were not getting what we wanted out the the R. I feel that is was probably easier for him to walk away bc he was so busy with work and he didn't have me around as a constant reminder with the phone calls.
Hang in there girls - bc I am prime example of that things do get better and you do start distanting yourself away but it does take NC all the way.
Good Luck

I am so glad to hear how well you are doing! I remember some of your past posts and how difficult things were for you! Congrats! You are an inspiration!
Diva
actressdiva-
You can do it too. Just stay busy and focus on your husband. He sounds great. The holidays are coming up and maybe the two of you could go out of town or something. PLease know that you are too good for you XM and know that you are where you need to be in life. A love in marriage is a mature love not neccesarily a passion love. The passion dies (I've been with my H for 11 years). The passion may not be there but the love we have is. He would do anything for me and would always be there for me 50 years from now. He is my best friend and I rely on him so much to make things better. He is my rock and I now know after all this that it takes two to do that. Our M is better than it ever has been. I think the A opened my eyes about how a true long lasting marriage should be. Its all about respect and acknowledging the others feelings. Friends come and go but your husband is there through thick and thin.
Good Luck - I know you can do it.
Ok, you made me cry!! I know you are right. My H would do anything for me. I've put him through alot (even though he doesn't know it). There was a time right after the A ended (less than a month after) when H & I were in Vegas and had a huge fight. I told him I wanted a D and that I wasn't in love w/ him anymore. I didn't really mean it - I was just angry and hurt and taking it out on the wrong person. He cried and told me he was still in love with me and would do anything to make our M work.
I know that is true and lasting love. When I think about how much xOM hurt me, I want to vomit. I know I'm too good for him (he knows it too). It'll just take some more time for me. When I fall, I fall hard :-}
Thank you so much for all your support!!
Diva
Merehud,
I agree with you. Things definitely get easier and easier as long as you maintain the NC. It's funny, once I finally decided to get out of it, it was no problem at all. I had tried to get out of it on several occasions before, and just could not do it. I'd end up going back. But this time, I knew that it was a pointless, destructive relationship, and that I had to end it for my own peace of mind. The thing is, I never even actually told him this. All I had to do was stop calling him or contacting him. He disappeared quicker than quick. At times, I do feel a little bit pissed off by that. I mean, obviously, he really didn't care all that much about me. But I'm glad that it's over, too. It was wrong, and the certainity of that inside was killing my spirit.
He definitely got the better end of the bargain. Gifts, a little financial help, sex, and his relationship intact at the end. I, however, got not even so much as a "happy birthday" and a broken relationship. We are such fools.
Yes, NC will get it done.