Welcome to the board. Sorry for all of your pain. I'm still a newbie here, but speaking from past experience, it won't do any good to mess up xAP's life. You might get a moment of satisfaction but will it be worth it. How do you know he might also seek revenge on your life and try to mess it up? Are you prepared for that and dealing with your H about the A, especially if he doesn't know?
Take the high road here, keep your dignity in check, walk away and block his number from your cell phone. Don't answer any emails, block those too. I know it hurts like hell, but NC (no contact) is the only way to go now. You can't be friends, it won't work. Sooner or later, you'd come to the physical aspect of the A again.
I made dumb mistakes when the A ended, and by some bad advice by a T and a friend, I gave xAP's W a lot of ammunition. I'm hoping she doesn't come back on me and destroy my life with a phone call to my H. Living in fear of this is rough. Please walk away. Find a hobby, start exercising, do something else to occupy your time. Post here often, it will take some time to get your xAP out of your heart and head. It does get easier and I'm only 5 weeks into NC, but it DOES GET EASIER.
thx for the replies.. He actually did do it by txt and i then called him cuz i would not discuss it thru text ! but i was in a rush and so caught off guard had no idea that it was going to be the end.. maybe the end of the physical part but never ever thought
Everyone here will tell you, No Contact! It is the only thing that really works. Nothing else does. It works.
Wondering what he thinks does no good, because it doesn't matter.
If you want to make yourself more miserable, DON'T listen to these ladies.
Time will help you.
Set your course, and stick to it.
RBM
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your move.--Real Live Preacher, July 7, 2003
Hello there... I'm feeling your pain as my A has also just ended about two ago. My Ap was also the one who ended it due to his guilt and I think it may be harder on us when it happens that way, but maybe I'm mistaken. I think many who post on here have brought themselves to a frame of mind where they were completely ready to call it quits, however we still need to come to grips with the fact that it's over, we know it's wrong, we know what pain it brought to our lives, we know what pain it can bring, we know we need to let go....but we just weren't ready. At least I know I wasn't even though I have thought that it was always the right thing to do. I am also having a hard time letting go and not wanting him out of my life completely forever...that thought gives me such an empty fearful feeling still. I know I'm nowhere near where I should be in my state of mind but I know I need to somehow get there. We had already tried being just friends once and we ended up back in the A but with much less emotion which only made it more painful for me since at one time we thought we were in love. At this time, he has told me that he can not do this anymore because of the pain and guilt it brings him from being unfaithful, that the negative aspects far outweigh the positive, and that it will never feel right....The thing is, he wants to maintain what he says as very little contact "because we have a past"..whats that?! Right! Like you, I want to hold on so bad because I just wasn't ready, but I know I have to let go... I always wanted more and I always would want more and it's too painful. I miss him tremendously, but I need to get out completely so I can try to move on somehow however painful it is going to be. I'm sure many have struggled thinking that some is better than none, but it's not going to work that way... I just don't know how I'm going to get there. My other issue has to do with the fact that I want to stay in my M and with my H because it's the right thing to do for the family....however I struggle with how long it takes actually to shift those emotions back to him and if they will ever come back. Will they?...I don't know...How long do I stay in a M where I don't feel happy, where I don't feel in love, where I just go through the motions of life...or is that how I should expect things to be the rest of my life. I wish I knew all the answers! But for now, I know I have to get through this (if I ever do) and struggle with the pain of trying to end the A with NC as it should be. Even though we crave the contact and wish we would hear from them, we know how wrong it is and what needs to be.
I hear what you are all saying..however i just dont kno how to do it ! NC i guess is the best , eventually i wont think about him every second of every day and wonder if he misses me??? really??? because right now i cant imagine not having him in my thoughts ..and we didnt have contact every day and we didnt see each other all the time
Hi,
Welcome to the board. Sorry for all of your pain. I'm still a newbie here, but speaking from past experience, it won't do any good to mess up xAP's life. You might get a moment of satisfaction but will it be worth it. How do you know he might also seek revenge on your life and try to mess it up? Are you prepared for that and dealing with your H about the A, especially if he doesn't know?
Take the high road here, keep your dignity in check, walk away and block his number from your cell phone. Don't answer any emails, block those too. I know it hurts like hell, but NC (no contact) is the only way to go now. You can't be friends, it won't work. Sooner or later, you'd come to the physical aspect of the A again.
I made dumb mistakes when the A ended, and by some bad advice by a T and a friend, I gave xAP's W a lot of ammunition. I'm hoping she doesn't come back on me and destroy my life with a phone call to my H. Living in fear of this is rough. Please walk away. Find a hobby, start exercising, do something else to occupy your time. Post here often, it will take some time to get your xAP out of your heart and head. It does get easier and I'm only 5 weeks into NC, but it DOES GET EASIER.
Hang in there and TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Movingon at 50!
MovingON
TSTH,
I am sorry you find yourself here, but since I am a firm advocate
~Iddy~
TSTH
I am a man, who literally did the same thing to my AP.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
thx for the replies.. He actually did do it by txt and i then called him cuz i would not discuss it thru text ! but i was in a rush and so caught off guard had no idea that it was going to be the end.. maybe the end of the physical part but never ever thought
There isn't anything such as tapering off.
Everyone here will tell you, No Contact! It is the only thing that really works. Nothing else does. It works.
Wondering what he thinks does no good, because it doesn't matter.
If you want to make yourself more miserable, DON'T listen to these ladies.
Time will help you.
Set your course, and stick to it.
RBM
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your move.--Real Live Preacher, July 7, 2003
We only miss what could have been.
We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.
RBME is right, NC is the only way to go.
Happy Birthday RBME! Hope today is a great birthday for you!
MO
MovingON
I'm feeling your pain as my A has also just ended about two ago. My Ap was also the one who ended it due to his guilt and I think it may be harder on us when it happens that way, but maybe I'm mistaken. I think many who post on here have brought themselves to a frame of mind where they were completely ready to call it quits, however we still need to come to grips with the fact that it's over, we know it's wrong, we know what pain it brought to our lives, we know what pain it can bring, we know we need to let go....but we just weren't ready. At least I know I wasn't even though I have thought that it was always the right thing to do. I am also having a hard time letting go and not wanting him out of my life completely forever...that thought gives me such an empty fearful feeling still. I know I'm nowhere near where I should be in my state of mind but I know I need to somehow get there. We had already tried being just friends once and we ended up back in the A but with much less emotion which only made it more painful for me since at one time we thought we were in love. At this time, he has told me that he can not do this anymore because of the pain and guilt it brings him from being unfaithful, that the negative aspects far outweigh the positive, and that it will never feel right....The thing is, he wants to maintain what he says as very little contact "because we have a past"..whats that?! Right! Like you, I want to hold on so bad because I just wasn't ready, but I know I have to let go... I always wanted more and I always would want more and it's too painful. I miss him tremendously, but I need to get out completely so I can try to move on somehow however painful it is going to be. I'm sure many have struggled thinking that some is better than none, but it's not going to work that way... I just don't know how I'm going to get there. My other issue has to do with the fact that I want to stay in my M and with my H because it's the right thing to do for the family....however I struggle with how long it takes actually to shift those emotions back to him and if they will ever come back. Will they?...I don't know...How long do I stay in a M where I don't feel happy, where I don't feel in love, where I just go through the motions of life...or is that how I should expect things to be the rest of my life. I wish I knew all the answers! But for now, I know I have to get through this (if I ever do) and struggle with the pain of trying to end the A with NC as it should be. Even though we crave the contact and wish we would hear from them, we know how wrong it is and what needs to be.