I Caved And Really Need Good Advice
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| Mon, 05-03-2004 - 6:28pm |
Hello Everyone,
Without getting to involved in all the details, today I caved in and agreed to meet for lunch (he has emailed me asking this for the past few days, and yes, someone on the board suggested not to even open the emails, which I should have, I should have blocked the address, but I don't feel that I was 150% into a complete cut-off).
Basically he told me his intension is to leave his W but he knew since January that around this time there were a lot of family obligations such as his daughter's confirmation, a vacation that was planned a year ago and he didn't want to drop the bomb when so much was going on. He also said that he was waiting for my H to move out which would give him the freedom of seeing me more openly which he said would bring him to telling his W instead of waiting for her to bring it up, since they both walk on egg shells and don't really communicate.
He asked me to please be patient. "All roads lead back to you" is what he tells me all the time. I have been for the most part until now dealing with the NC and I am adament about being strong but I am finding it hard. I did NOT give him an answer and told him I would have to think about it. I feel very off balance and confused. I have come a long way and don't want to take 5 steps back. Any advice is welcome!
Thank everyone for listening.

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Jazzdiva
shescomeundone,
No, now that I am free I don't want to continue the A. I want what we have always spoke of but to have it open and honest and for the entire world to see. You're words are so right and so true and my instincts tell me to tell him what you just did in your post. I think I'm justing needing to hear from other's because at this particular moment I feel very vulnerable. Thank you
MidnightBlue
I would suggest that you do not buy a word of it tell he puts a sighned divorce decree in your hand, sighned by both him and his wife and properly registered.
You have nothing to lean on tell he can do that, so tell him to call when and only when he can do this, no decree no nucky.
BE STRONG
FREE
Jazzdiva
shescomeundone,
Thank you so much for your words and you are so very right. I thought if I put it that way that I was being too pushy, too demanding and that it was an ultimatum. I have tried everything humanly possible to be understanding and patient. ANd if I have to set him free it is because I do love him enough and I love myself enough to do that.
I know when I first came to this board I had broken it off, but I know that I honestly didn't fully break up. I guess I put it on hold which started to bother me as well and I know I am getting to the point of making that final break.
I know my D is new and there is a healing period for me and my children, I just need to know if he has any intentions of truly leaving and we will be together at some point in the future.. Do I make any sense at all?
MidnightBlue
Midnight, all his explainations and excuses are just bait to keep you hanging on.
Iknowitstime
(and so do you)
OK, you met him. Nothing has changed, yet. Again. Not even the reasons why it's "not right to leave now".
He's sitting on the fence...again.
You seem to want to get off the fence, so do it. Now. As others have posted here: "bye-bye. cyah when the divorce decree is in your hands."
You want a full life, above board. He knows this. He also knows very well what is expected of him to be with you. He hasn't reached the point of no return in his marriage. No matter what he says, his actions display what is really going on.
Pay attention. Don't get sucked in. You are on the right path for an honest life........
cl-nre
Thank everyone for the strong much needed advice. I actually printed out shescomeundone's post to me about being vulnerable and explaining about not wanting to be in an A anymore.
Anyway, he emailed me pretty much saying the same things I have mentioned, BUT I did it!! I finally let everything out on the table and I did tell him I have had it and unless I see a divorce decree with both signatures we are done. I didn't threaten him nor did I give an ultimatum, I just told him the truth and how I feel. Right now I feel nervous but stronger than the past few days. I know I am going to be okay, but as I was writing I started to feel light-headed. I know it's because I finally told him the truth. Now I'm just waiting for the inevitable pain to begin. It really is over this time because I told him it is. I actually said the words, something I haven't been able to do before because I feared I would lose him, but it is true that part of loving someone is also letting them go.
Jazzdiva
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