I caved: I called. no call back
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| Thu, 11-18-2004 - 12:30pm |
xMM called last Friday morning.
he felt bad about the conversation we had that Tuesday before: his W had been chasing him around town and calling him constantly - said she had proof that we had an A.....
We he spoke to me he was angry and scared of losing his friends - our friends....
So: he said that he was sorry for taking his frustration out on me...and that the two days with his W following and beratting him were hell and he had no one else to vent to......that things were horrible and he felt terrible...then he said that he wished he could come over and crawl into bed with me and hold me.......I said something like "thats because we comforted eachother during the A - and what we felt was real".......but it was wrong, and I hope that we can deal with our own situations and find happiness one day.
I have not heard back - its been 6 days.......so I called last night ( I know I felt stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)I was jumping out of my skin.......I have now idea if she has this cell statement - and what it can do to my H and I having a "friendly" D.
I only said "Hi, just called to say hello and see how things are goin....hope all is well....bye".
No call back -
I guess this is he way of telling me that regardless of our D's - there will never be a relationship between us again.
He no longer has feelings for me - and I think the only reason he even called at all after we ended our A - was like he mentioned once - he felt bad because I was hurting. He stopped caring.
He probably wants to be with another person later who is not his friends "ex" W.

Anna,
How could you put yourself through such pain. Now it worse I'm sure. I'm sorry your going through this but stay mad at him because aparantly he must be doing ok since he hasn't tried to contact you. That would piss me off more than anything. I'm a strong woman and I will not contact him if I have to sit on my hands I will not give him the satisfaction. I will come here and vent get support just like you. We are all here for you. Don't let this consume you so much. You will get through this just give it time.
SOUL
One thing that has helped me over the past few weeks, is NOT trying to second guess how or what my xMM is feeling. Even when he TOLD me how he was feeling, it was not the whole story.
Stop wondering if he's missing or thinking of you. It sounds like he's got a real mess on his hands with his W. (She's the one who rolled herself up in the carpet, right?) You can only imagine the amount of stress he's under just dealing with her.
If you were to ever have a relationship again, you each have to deal with your situations first. That includes taking care of your friendly D. Once all is said and done, that's a whole new story. You may find that you want nothing to do with him any more.
I personally broke it off with my xMM nine (NINE!) times when in the midst of our A. Sometimes he came back, sometimes I did. It was horrible each time. I'm doing my damndest to make this time stick, but it takes a lot of personal conviction and will power. You can do it, it must get better, you are strong enough.
I was listening to some good music, and heard some lyrics that reminded me of you and the pain you (we) are going through right now. I thought I'd share. What if we turned the tables and the xMMs were the ones left wondering if we still cared?
Female empowerment, a much over-looked force to be reckoned with!
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What if I was the one to leave your sorry ass behind
What if all these tears that're falling were yours instead of mine
What if I was proof all the wiser by the minute
What if I knew your were making a bed and just who was lying in it
What if I just wipe the floor with your love without even thinking
What if the thread you were hanging on had you strung out on wishful thinking
I've become clearer since I came out from under the wrong impression
I've been stuck on the detour baby heading in the wrong direction