I cheated
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I cheated
| Wed, 05-26-2010 - 4:23pm |
I just need some advice on how to not feel so dissapointed in myself. First off, i am 30 about to turn 31, and i have been married for almost 10 years. I have not been happy in my marriage for quite some time, and in January i started talking to a co-worker, (male), who is also married. We hit it off instantly, and very soon, feelings became involved. We had a very strong connection from the start, and we soon realized that we have everything in common, we got along famously, and it became very emotional, and physical. We texted each other all night, after work, until bedtime, and even in the morning, we would meet at work and start our day together. About a month in, his wife was looking at their phone bill, and saw all the texts between us, and we were caught. He told her that he had feelings for me, and their marriage was instantly on the rocks. She told him that she didnt want him talking to me, but we couldnt stop, we were inseperable. He told me that he was not 100% happy in his marriage either, so we like idiots, continued our affair. My husband found out about it, and instantly wanted a divorce, as he realized there had to be feelings there, because he knew that as much as we talked, there had to be a emotional connection. About mid march, i moved out, and we started our divorce process, however he still wanted to be with me, and i was not happy in my marriage, so i did not want to continue. I never told him that i had slept with the guy. Well, as time has gone on, the guy told me that he was falling in love with me. I felt the same way. We just got along so well, and everything about our relationship was absolutely amazing. We talked about living together, him meeting my children, and he hoped that they like him. We made all these plans, but he could not decide if he wanted to leave his wife or not. He quit his job, where we both worked, to see if being away from me would help him make a decision. We still emailed back and forth every day, and talked on the phone a couple times, then 4 days ago, he sends me a cold email telling me that it

Welcome, Lost
Wow.
Lost,
First off, welcome to our community. I am glad you found us because honey, you are going to need us. CSN has already offered you some solid advice and the only thing I have to add to that is this: Consider your A over. If you read the thread that LifeLesson started today, I have a letter I posted that was written by a Married Man. What he says may hold merit with why your MM has decided to stay with his W. Some of these guys don't know what the heck they want and think it's okay to burn the candle at both ends. Well, eventually all the wax melts and leaves nothing but a pile of paraffin on the floor. Think of that pile of wax as what is left when an A ends. There is nothing to save, or fix, or build upon. They are fantasy based and defy reality. I know this many all sound hokey, but if you keep reading here, you will learn the truth about affairs. Have you stepped into our Healing Library yet? Scroll down the main page until you find it and start reading everything your eyes can handle, at least for tonight. All the information you need to know for dealing with the end of your A will be found in those threads.
Okay, guess I have more to say... ;-) As far as your M goes, your H is just as hurt and confused as you are, but over different reasons of course. He is also very angry and his pride is doing the talking right now. What you need to do is keep a low profile while you start to sort out the damage...find a counselor to talk to, totally cut XMM out of your life (in case he tries to sneak back in), and start proving to your H that you are deeply sorry and remorseful. It may take him weeks before he can see other colors besides red.
Now is the time to work on you. Read here faithfully, find a therapist, assure your children that you are okay and will always be there for them, and then by your actions your family will see that you are really trying to make things right again.
I'm sorry the rug was pulled out from under you, but you are not alone in this. Maybe LifeLesson will direct you to her story because there are many similarities. TranscendingUs will probably reach out to you too, and there will be many others that are here to support you during this very bleak and tumultuous time.
First and foremost, start taking better care of yourself.
((Hugs)))
~Iddy~
Welcome Lost! :)
Hi there, Lost.
I feel for you. My husband knows all about me too. He gave me the ultimatum on Monday to STOP or we're done.
I am stopping...going through pain, grief, and fear.
We WILL get through this.
HUGS.