i could not take it anymore so i .......

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
i could not take it anymore so i .......
15
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 9:56pm

hi all,

i could take it anymore so this evening i went to OW and talked to her

i told her how much i care for her and that i hurt so much and then i told her that SHE LIED to me all along, i told her that if she realy cares and she wants to be with me then she would be with me daughter or not

i told her we cannot be friends at all , did not say goodbye or anything, i told her she is mean to me and that she lied to me

well i dont know if its right or wrong but i felt like telling her how i feel, i told her that i still could not accept what she did to me

i think i am moving on, im am realy upset at myself for making myself feel like this, i am not upset at her at all and i dont want to feel like this anymore, i had enough already, i know ill be sad and depress but i will deal with it

i told her she treated me like sh** and she treat people she does not like better than me, i was so upset, all this took like 15 minutes

i think after tonite i will not talk to her anymore, she said we will be friends again when i get over it but i told her we will not be friends anymore, it hurts even to be friends with her

max

now i have big headache

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:06pm

Max

1) You were intitled to get it off your chest in my opinion.

2)Judging by her response "we will be friends" I have to question how much of what you said actually got through to her, sounds like she has selective hereing like most narssistic types.

Free

Oh and Max GOOD JOB

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:21pm
Way to go! You took back some of your power, you have had it all along you just didn't use it. You also got back some self respect. Tell yourself no more and stick with it. You deserve to be treated so much better!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 10:35pm

thanks ladies,

i dont feel any remorse at all for telling her what i feel, i realy do feel that she lead me on and lied to me, it would be better if she told me the truth, i had to find out from other people all the stuff that she did not disclose

anyways, she would not even look me in the eyes when i was talking to her, i told her that too, that she did not even give a little respect, i actually asked her if she can spare some time for me coz i want to talk to her about something

all along she would not look me in the eye, i told her that she cant even look at me, she kept telling me that the problem is her and not me and that i have not done anything wrong to her, she told me it was her decision, i told her she is full of crap

i told her that if she meant this much to me she will be with me , it felt good, in some sick way, im not sure but i feel good, this is the first time i told her anything like this, i am always nice to her, i bend over backwards for her

now i wont take it anymore, she actually told me to move on and i told her i am, i told her i felt sorry for her and her daughter, i sounded mean but at that time i felt like telling her that, i told her she lied to me , to her daughter(her daughter will find out eventually that her fake family is fake, she and father of daughter dont get along), anyways i dont care at all

i cant believe she has been lying to me, u know she told me why she would say those this is that she felt bad for me, that i look sad, thats why she lied to me, my god , she even hurt me more

now im realy pissed off at her, i think and hope this is the start of healing and me moving on, i dont feel sadness anymore, no more tears, i dont feel like crying or telling her im sorry for what i said

its her loss

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 11:03pm

I was feeling angry a few weeks ago about everything and I couldn't tell H. Our neighbor did something rude so I went and yelled at him and my H was shocked because I am usually calm and fair. I couldn't tell H that I just felt so much rage over the a, then a few times I woke in the middle of the night and layed there angry. It was strange because the anger would come all of a sudden.

No matter what she does, make it about you. It is not about her, it is about how YOU will allow someone to treat YOU! You have to stand up for yourself and demand respect! You can do this and be a stronger person because of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 03-16-2005 - 11:33pm

Max,

I couldn't wait to see the postings from the day today. I see that you had a fabulous freedom day! CONGRATULATIONS for finally getting your spine out of your buttocks! I also feel the need to advise that it now is a YOU trouble and not a SHE trouble. You've talked, yelled, told her how you feel; now you'll have to eat your words and your actions and NO NC! Just think of all the other men in Sily-con valley that will be taken by her and thank heavens you're free at last.........please stay that way. Don't give her an ounce of you.

P.S KARMA.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 12:34am

hellsie,

i think im not done with OW yet, i still have a lot to say to her but im not sure if i should tell her, i dont know if it would do me good but i just wanna tell her and get it out and let her know how much she hurt me

yes, i will try my best to have NC with her, i feel hate in my eyes, i want to look at her when i talked to her but she wont look at me, she cant even look at me, she told me to talk to her but she wont look at me, i was so mad, if i have xray vision i would have used it on her already

i dont know why i feel like this , i think i hate her, yes HATE, i HATE her, i am trying to find some sadness in my heart but there is none, my mind is just spinning and all i can think of is telling her more , i want to give it to her so to speak

btw, i slammed her door on the way out

it felt good, i can realy be bad if i want to, i been trained all my life to inflict pain and yet im so gentle but today i find RAGE in me, i have not felt like this for the longest time other than when i was in the military

im a bit concern why i am feeling like this, its just a feeling, im afraid that i will take it out on somebody, maybe a co-worker that my tick me off and ill just blow off, i think im over-analyzing again

anyways, i just feel like i need to tell her more, that im not done with her, i did not tell her all i feel

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2004
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 4:51am

MAX,

Your are entering the third stage of grief in the relationship ending. Please heed the advice that is offered.

Stage 3: Anger

If you are feeling anger toward your ex, you are almost home free. This is the final stage that takes some work getting through but it also means that soon you’ll be back to your old self again.

Anger is a familiar emotion to men; as a man you have little difficulty in expressing it because society accepts anger from you. Women on the other hand have difficulty with anger and its manifestation can take on characteristics that make it look like depression. Women tend to internalize anger or display it via passive-aggressive behavior like a compliment followed by an action of aggression. The following are some of the signs that will help you determine if you are finally in the anger stage.


Anger is part of recovery, but it can turn the sweetest person into a veritable nightmare if not managed properly. <--------IMPORTANT!!!


You may be in the Anger stage if Any form of emotional, physical or psychological abuse you allowed from your former mate now appalls you.

You hope you are around the day someone breaks his/her heart so you can see him or her get what’s coming to him/her.

Boiling in oil followed by drawing and quartering is too light of a sentence for your ex.

Just thinking of him/her makes you nauseous.

Methodically you have defaced every picture you ever had of him/her—and then you burned them.

Control-Alt-Delete is your favorite database command.

You’ve considered turning him/her over to the IRS, even without cause.

You’ve discovered burning his/her clothes is cheap firewood.

When alone, you engage his/her memory in heated arguments, covering all of the ills, unfairness and destructive things he/she did to you. Righteous, of course you win. TOP

Anger is an emotion difficult for some, especially women. Women are taught to be non-confrontational and caretakers in our society. Expressions of anger are often realized in two manners: passive-aggressive acts and despondent depression. In severe cases of depression, self-mutilation is in evidence. This is also a symptom of deep depression brought on by self-loathing and does require professional help. Self-loathing can be caused when a a woman blames the end of the relationship on who she is and believes it is her faults and imperfection that chased him away.

Anger in men is often seen in bullying, displays of physical superiority, indifference (i.e.: hiding in his work) and passive-aggressive behavior, (some of the most destructive p-a's I know are men). Over a long period of time, none of these expressions is healthy, but acting out some of the angry thoughts is of little use too. There are several constructive methods for working through anger. Below are a few.
Finding constructive outlets for your anger will keep you in power of your emotions and your life

Pray. Even if you do not believe in God, choose something to pray to, a door knob, a tree, your teddy bear. This is a trick 12-step programs use with Atheists and it works wonders for the non-religious..

Find ways to express your anger that does not harm others
Action Plan:
Tools for Navigating Anger

Discover the china and glass section at the Goodwill. Buy some old plates and glasses then crash and break as many as you want. It is deliciously therapeutic to slam them into the ground and listen to them break. They also make great Frisbees.

Write down all the reasons you hate your ex, throw away anything that reminds you of him or her into a large trash bag and hold your own funeral for him/her at the city dump. Write the epitaph on cardboard and leave it on top for everyone to see.

Glue a picture of your former lover’s face on the bottom of your shoes and walk on him/her all day

Take up Kick Boxing or Karate

Pray (seriously) that your ex experiences all the happiness, love, fortune and gifts that life has to offer. It will kill you for the first two weeks but you’ll be surprised at how quickly the anger will pass. TOP


During the anger phase it is not unusual to find yourself flip-flopping between anger, depression and denial. When this happens, re-read the list you made back in the denial phase that helped you focus on the truth rather than your efforts to romanticize the experience. Over time, the anger will dissipate and one day you'll wake up smiling realizing you have finally reached stage four and the end of the pain.

http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/

Max, anger can turn into rage and YOU know what that can do. We don't want you to be tomorrows Headline. Do you have a punching bag? If now, get one, or go the gym and do some strenuous working out every time you feel your blood boiling.

Take care,

Id

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 7:04am

ID,

i am realy a nice and gentle person and i am bothered about what i feel towards OW, my plan is to work hard, on of the tips in your post

i wish she burns in HELL, realy, yes, i dotn want to get MAD, i want to get EVEN and make her feel bad also and depress

i already took my heart out and ill leave it at home, i think my words will eventually make her suffer

max
:)

the pen is mightier than the sword

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 7:21am

Max,

Reality of it all is that it seems you want her to feel your pain. Sorry but I think you are SOL. As ID has suggested, take your aggressions out in a manner that doesn't harm!
Growing up I heard alot of "hate is a strong word" and it's true. Fact is that it's not her that you hate. You hate the fact that you're consumed by her. Replace "hate" with "burdened" and start to take accountability for your own actions. Don't sit and think about all of the things you need to say cause really; she ain't listenin'!

Avatar for alice700
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 7:34am
You did a good thing for yourself, Maxwell. Anger is often a requirement for separating from a person. It is an important stage. Years from now, you will not feel this angry and will have the whoole thing in a different perspective, but I think anger at her is an appropriate emotion right now. Let the anger fuel your resolve not to contact her, not to resp0ond to any contacts from her, etc. Be well!
Alice

Pages