I did do it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
I did do it!
12
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:06pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:11pm

Uh, oh. I am concerned for you Alice. Yes, I do think tomorrow you will want to vomit and curl up into a ball. You may feel like you want to have one more convo with him...or an email or text. But it's gotta be NC from now on out. Don't fool yourself into believing

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:15pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:27pm
Alice- I am on day 25 NC after several failed attempts to end it. I just want to say that I know exactly how you feel. The day I ended it and for almost the first week, I felt relieved and empowered and so hopeful... around Day 7 I hit a wall and had my first real "low" since ending it. And since then, every few days I have a real icky day where I miss him so much and can't believe I can live without him. But I take one rule very seriously- always wait 24 hours- and more than likely the feeling will have passed and you won't want to break NC. And so far so good for me. I am looking forward to day 30 when I can officially say 1 month NC.
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:31pm

Alice,


I will give you a cautionary congratulations. :) I have been where you are. I have told him goodbye more than once. I too, have felt the relief and the accomplishment that you are feeling right now. I am proud of you, you ended it today and that was a tough tough

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:32pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:42pm

I have a great idea! Let's have a party right here, right now for Alice for making that huge FINAL step to end it. I'm bringing the champagne.....


Here's a toast

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 3:49pm

I'll join in :) I'm bringing the cake (That seems really really IRONIC haha) but anyway- On the cake it says "Congrats Alice and all the beautiful woman at EAS"


It's a really big cake, lol.


Anyway, I will celebrate, as long as we can have a side order of "reality check" with our cake. This is not, after all, going to be fun or easy.


I am tired of being here. The next party I want is a month of NC party!!! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 4:26pm

No cartwheels, but I am tossing some confetti ;)

I will say though...that, yes tomorrow (or some time after?) you may feel like you want to curl up into a ball and die, not eat, feel like you're going to turn inside-out. While the A was 'officially' ended by xMM just about a month ago now, I did hear from him about 4 or so times since and full-on NC didn't start until last week after FB/email blocks...so, I'm not that far out as some others here. Am I in a way better place than I was when the rug was pulled out? Yes. Oh yes I am. But - I still have days where I feel like parts of me are missing, that I've taken a shotgun blast to the chest and it's hard to breath, where I have a lump in my throat and I'll just well-up and cry for a few moments seemingly at random (mind you, it's much different than the body shaking gag-inducing sobs from the start!). Mornings are the worst for me still, as I wake up and think 'another day without xAP' but I've made some progress where I'm not feeling so 'crushed' by that fact as I used to. Also, I now think of the things I have to do that day, and I'm also starting to get up earlier (towards the start I just wanted to sleep and 'forget'. Not so much any more, and I'm happy for that). I still think of him, but I'm starting to be able to shift my focus and get other things done. And, I celebrate those moments because they are a big deal - so, keep that in mind in those moments when taking a bite of food seems impossible? Do it, and then congratulate yourself for having done so!
I guess what I'm saying is - while I wasn't the one to end it, I do understand those moments of feeling empowered, you think 'F this noise!' and take your very brave and strong first step forward... only to look around as the fog lifts and realize you've just walked into a rather messy and tangled jungle. However, unlike the 'A jungle', you can see light and glimpses of the sky above and the jungle-free horizon ahead - freedom. It's still a jungle after also, so it is difficult, sometimes dangerous, and painful to get through (and I've only just begun my journey!)...but, at least you have a destination and a goal in front of you. One that is actually there, not a mirage.
So, lets all pick up our bug-spray, fun hats, machete's and get on with it, hm?
((Hugs!))

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 4:33pm

I LOVE THAT, wc!!!!

We've got from a party with cake, to a journey through the deep dark jungle.


That's, in a way, very fitting. But yeah, i can see the light on the other side. it is very very very tiny and far away, but i can see it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 8:02pm

Alice~


Glad to hear you are finally done...

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