I did it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
I did it!
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 2:13pm

I totally blocked him!!!!!!!!!! I hadn't yet and last night he sent me a long rambling email about how he doesn't understand and detailed how he thinks about me all day long in every little thing he does and how he is left wondering how it came to this... I realized complete NC and blocking is necessary for me to move on.And for him, too!

The only way he can reach me now is if he literally stalked me by waiting for me at a bus stop or something (unfortunately, we have to take the same street to get to work, and my bus drops me off on the block he parks - no way to get around this, except I am getting to work earlier/leaving earlier, way before he'd ever get in/leave.

I feel a weird mix of emotions... relief, disbelief, pride, guilt for probably hurting him once he realizes what I did, and sad it's really truly over. But mostly, I feel like I did the RIGHT thing for ME. It will be painful for a while and I will let myself grieve, but it's finally the first step to over. No more vicious circles, ups and downs.

The one friend I have told about this A told me now I am opening up room for real, new friends to come in, and that she is going to be here for me throughout the recovery process and beyond. I hope I can come here often for support, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
In reply to: redlightgo
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 2:58pm

That's awesome, red!

By doing all this, you've given yourself the greenlight to GO!  And you seem good to go, too.  You understand that you'll be experiencing all kinds of emotions , but you'll go with them...and get through them, and that you'll need to grieve the loss. It's good you recognize and understand this, so you don't get blindsided by some pretty intense emotions.

It's great you have a confidant in real life who be there to give you those real physical hugs when need.  Cyberhugs are great, but there's nothing like a real solid hug from a supportive friend.  If you can do some T work, that would be really worth your while too.

Keep posting in to talk things out.  I'm soooo proud of you...you did it!