i did it!!
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i did it!!
| Mon, 05-02-2005 - 7:19pm |
i initiated NC today. i am sure we will have some friendly exchanges but i am done talking to him all the time, and even HE knows it's best for me.
He was devastated, but so am i.
i'll figure it all out.
Be prepared for many jen posts LOL.
Thank you to my friends here.
So far i feel peaceful and happy and relieved. Sad and scared too of course. But more relieved than i thought. Maybe that's a good sign.
Our two year anniversary is a week away, and we always spent mothers day together.
His wedding anniversary is four days after ours. That's what i need to keep remembering i guess. That's his important anniversary...that's where he wants to be...and soon he'll be accross the country.
Thanks,
jen

((Jen)) I just wanted to offer my support to you during this. I don't have any words of wisdom or advice, just that we are here for you to support you throughout this time.
Stay strong!
((hugs))
Circe
hi jen,
i think u did the right thing, i know u can do it, post here and let us know how u are, u are an inspiration to all of us trying to let go
max
Thank you all. An inspiration huh max? oh..i don't think so. But i am trying to follow my heart and do what's best for me.
Since we agreed to things, he has already found a reason to send an email, and logged on twice. The last time he made a mean joke about me...i have no idea why. i haven't answered.
i guess maybe all the while i assumed i would be the one that would have to not contact...here he is "after" me. i mean, our R has always been fairly normal, not one of us chasing the other. It's odd. just odd.
i dunno what i am trying to say. we have talked constantly and it's just weird. i always assumed if i wanted him to leave me alone he would. Now he's pursuing.
just hard.
thank you
jen
jen,
its gonna be hard, its been 3 weeks for me now and OW has no more contact with me, i admit i did try to contact her thru email and a call but she did not responded to me, its gonna take awhile to get used to it, its a routine and it gets cut off from our lives and u will feel the need to go back to that routine, i do but its getting better, the urge to contact is still there but i am able control it now and i try to do other things also, its only hard for me on the weekends now , the rest of the workweek i can handle much better
u will survive , just like that song, we will all survive and get back what we have lost, for sure i have lost so much of me already, im not even half the man i am before, i feel like no one but hey , time to face the music , can i dance ? well im trying to learn ....
max
i found this story in some web site, its about love and letting go
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Red Roses
Red roses were her favorites,
her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them,
tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were
delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine",
like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and
the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year,
than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow,
with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that
the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in
advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know,
that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early,
way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would
work out fine.
She trimmed the stems, and
placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the
portrait of his smiling face. She
would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture,
and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live
without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had
become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there
were roses, sitting by her door.
She brought the roses in, and
then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone,
to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she
asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to
her, causing her such pain?
"I know your husband passed away, more
than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call,
and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today, were
paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned
ahead, he left nothing to chance.
There is a standing order, that I have
on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance,
you'll get them every year. There also
is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he
did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card...that should be
sent, to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone,
her tears now flowing hard. Her
fingers shaking, as she
slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that he had
written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence,
this is what he wrote... "Hello
my love, I know it's been
a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard
for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely, and the pain
is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know
how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so
beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say,
you were the perfect wife. You
were my friend and lover,
you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year,
but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you
shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to
you for years.
When you get these roses, think
of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of
us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have
some living still.
Please...try to find happiness,
while living out your days. I
know it is not easy, but I
hope you find some ways. The
roses will come every year,
and they will only stop, When
your door's not answered,
when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day,
in case you have gone out. But
after his last visit, he
will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place,
where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are,
together once again.
Sometimes in life, you find a special
friend; Someone who changes your life just by
being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that
there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that
there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship.
-- Unknown
Thanks again Max. What a beautiful story.
we all sure deserve some deep true love like that. Not sharing.
You hit the nail on the head...my routine. Since i divorced and moved to this house (two years ago) HE has been my love and my routine. Part of me is comforted that i am not constantly reminded of the sadness and rejection. He chose W and is leaving me.
Part of me is kinda dazed and lost, not sure what to do, who to talk to, what to say. Our first reaction is to reach for our comfort and our old habits. i admit that.
Hang in there Max. YOU are an ispriation to ME!!! You admit your faults and you know it's hard but you have never given up.
jen
Hi Max,
Wow, thanks for sharing "Red Roses"! It really hit me hard for some reason, had me sobbing in tears and don't know why. Seems to describe the powerful force that many people here are feeling.